Mostly Flummoxed

Don Draper explains it

2011-09-28T12:39:00.000-07:00

We are all mostly flummoxed by Facebook's ever-changing layout and rules. Let's let Mr. Draper explain what the new timeline will do.

One of my favorite scenes from Mad Men made relevant for today. Genius.

I Love Him

2011-09-24T14:00:00.000-07:00

Did i ever tell you about the crazy lady (actually more like a girl) that bought a puppy form me and kept saying in this twee voice, "I LOOOOVEEEEE HERRRR! I LOVVVVEEEE HERRRRR!" I eventually slapped her to the ground but now that phrase is stuck in my head.

Anyways.

Here are my latest painting. I love them both (I LOVVEEEE THEMMMMM), equally. Sold two other paintings this week on etsy and to a student in my art class, yay for me!

Top is "European Robin on snowy branch" and beside is the close-up.
Bottom is "Vulturine Guinea" and beside is close-up.

I heart them equally. I will be sad to sell them.

Also, did I mention my house is a complete mind-job?

We moved everything out of the front of the house, and are currently using what was the coffee bar as the kitchen. Ya'll, the sink holds like 8 cups of water. Do you know how fucking hard it is to wash a glass in that size sink? How about a juicer (I am currently juicing several times a day)? Here is photographic evidence of my misery for when I completely lose it and kill someone at the grocery store with a carton of greek yogurt.

This is me making bacon in my MoFo Kitchen

Notice the juicer which is twice as large as the sink

I call this place My Mother Fucking Kitchen. Don't you feel better about your life?

I Survived!

2011-09-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

After three days without a shower, covered in dirt and grime, muscles aching and refusing to cooperate we made it home from the Blue Ridge Mountains. We saw nary a bear or mountain lion (thank you Baby Jesus!). We hiked our asses off and were famished continuously and everything I ate tasted like the best thing I have ever eaten (ie: oodles of noodles, pancakes, trail mix, PB & J on smushed white bread).

Here are a few photos to prove it from my cell phone camera (our point-and-shoot surprised us by having a dead battery even though I charged it fro two days).

Top of The Priest

Top of Crabtree Falls

Hiking the Appalachian Trail to The Priest

Me and him at top of Crabtree Falls

Top of The Priest (should not have allowed photos of myself)

Indian Sliding Board (Z trying to scare me to death)

Indian Sliding Board (we didn't slide, waaaayyy too cold)

The Meadows (so beautiful, full of apple trees)

A crevice between the boulders at the top of the Priest

Top of the world! Priest Mountain, VA

We did hear some type of animal, my FIL thought it was a coyote, after the dark. After hiking into the woods to pee when I first wake up (middle of the night or early morning) is a terrible ordeal. It was quite refreshing to sit on a toilet in a climate controlled bathroom without worrying about being attacked by animals or poison ivy.

What was your weekend like?

Ninja Bear

2011-09-14T08:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my 14th wedding anniversary. My gift to my husband was saying “Happy Anniversary” first. Ha! Winning.

Seriously, we have a lot of stuff going on right now. All of these things are fighting over the few waking hours we have. We are still preparing for the MAJOR house construction that starts next week. It is going to be…overwhelming to say the least. Also, I am teaching an art class once a week in September. This is stressing me out, so much pressure. And we are preparing for a family camping trip in the mountains. Doing a dinner or date for our anniversary was far from my mind.

Speaking of this camping trip. I’m a wee bit scared. See there are bears. And while bears look all cuddly I know, as Dave Matthews so eloquently put it, would eat my head like a candy. I recently saw a “I Shouldn’t Be Alive” or maybe it was “I Survived” where a guy was stalked and partially eaten alive in his DRIVEWAY at his mountain home. So….(crickets)….

So instead of devoting much time or energy to our anniversary I have been thinking about bears. A. Lot.

I woke up last night from a dream about bears and then laid on my back thinking about how to fend off a bear. How could I protect my kids from being snacked upon by a bear?

cartoon by me, don't steal it, dammit.

We are primitive camping, no handy outlet or water spigot, surrounded by other campers in their similar square campsite. This is how I have mostly always camped, in a campground where our car is like 5 feet away. No, we will be in a beautiful wooded area or meadow thingy in the safety of our tissue thin tent sleeping with our girls who are notorious for having candy in their pockets and food spilled down their shirts (to a bear that smell like a dinner bell). Also, it’s that time of the month. You know what I mean? So basically, I’m dead.

cartoon by me, don't steal it, dammit.

My husband tried to reassure me by saying his dad, who we are camping with, has camped there many times and has never seen a bear only bear scat. “Well, yes, it’s not the bears I can see that scare me as much as the bears I CAN’T SEE! The NINJA BEARS that come in the night to eat my head and claw at my innards. The RAVENOUS BEAR hiding behind the tree waiting for me to squat to poo and gulps be down whole leaving nary a trace of my former self. THOSE are the bears I worry about.” I said all in one breath.

again, original cartoon by me

His response, “Oh……. but he (his dad) has heard lots of mountain lions in that area.”

my cartoon, don't steal it or I'll send a hungry bear after you

(crickets)….Dammit, something else that can eat me.

Postscript: Our Anniversary consisted of a nice dinner. My hubs picked up huge, yummy steaks and prepared them. I made veggies and a chocolate silk pie that tasted good but was a mess. We talked with the kids about how we met and our wedding. I eve got out our wedding album and was shocked again but what babies we looked like. It was fun and sweet and enough in-light of everything else. Especially death-by-bear.

Oh Dear God

2011-09-10T15:28:00.000-07:00

Our house is falling in. Yep. That's right. I am not being factitious. We have been noticing the tile (which covers all of the the main living space) cracking for the last few years. It was ugly but whatev. Then we started noticing a more serious problem. We've had 6 guys look under the house and they have delivered all kinds of news from "I'll just replace three joints and spray some bleach and that'll git it done." to "Holy shit, ma'am, I...I don't...Jesus, there's so much...I think..." then that guy ran away crying.

Finally we found someone who had half a brain and wasn't going to screw us over. So, we are moving all the stuff from the living room, kitchen, dining, laundry room and the huge built in bookcase so they can completely pull up all the floors and replace joists, beams, sub-floor, and tile. This will take two weeks to replace it all. We feel completely overwhelmed.

On top of this, I have a scheduled art class for all the wednesdays of September, and we are going camping in the Appalachian mountains next weekend. We have two dogs that we don't know where to put when all this work is going on and a huge boat to get out of the way and school and living here for two weeks sans kitchen and our two main doors to enter/exit.

Let the shit rain down.

Our Great Room: we are moving all our stuff in here until the construction is over and we are using the coffee bar to make prepare and make our food.

Our Living room: after we moved all the stuff out. See that hallway, that goes to our bedrooms and we will have a plastic patchway to get to the great room for 2 weeks.

Longbeards Restaurant review

2011-09-09T06:52:00.000-07:00

Longbeards Bar & Grill

After hearing from several people with reddish neck regions about this restaurant, I decided to let it slip completely from my mind. Then my husband heard about it from someone at work and he was all gung-ho about trying it out. His eyes twinkled as he told me about the buffalo, elk, alligator, etc. that filled the menu. Fine, I thought, I’ll go.

We looked at the menu online and read some reviews. They were mixed but that didn’t put us off because we sometime love what others hate and vice versa.

We headed out for our Sunday evening date. On the way to the restaurant we passed a pond where someone was fishing, we made a joke that maybe it was the chef catching dinner. After we were done eating, we wished that had been the case.

As we walked in we were greeted by country music (bleh) and apparently the guy who had been power washing the dumpster all day. He was dressed in a ratty, stained Longbeards’ tee and dirty khaki shorts and dirty sneakers. He sat us at on of the many rock-hard booths (I have a hip problem and I wanted to cry when I saw the plywood seat). We began perusing the menu. An equally grubby looking guy came to our table this time to act as our waiter. We ordered a sweet and unsweetened tea. And away he went.

Back to the menu. We saw alligator bites and decided on those for an appetizer. I went with the quail and grits with sausage and tasso gravy (a take on a Southern dish: shrimp and grits, which I make on of the best and am usually disappointed with others) $14.95. Hubby went with the Buffalo steak with blue cheese sauce AT Market Price which was around $30. I chose a salad and mixed vegetables for my side and hubby chose sweet potato fires and green beans.

Our drinks took awhile to be served. My tea was a bit rancid or fruity, as we like to call lettuce going bad or tea that was brewed 5 days ago. My husband couldn’t get any sweetener, the waiter disappeared and didn’t come back. We took in the décor, which was dead animals, bad paintings, and Pittsburgh Steeler signs. We surveyed the other staff and saw they were all men and all wore grubby, sloppy clothes. Finally the waiter came back to tell us that they were out of alligator. “What?” I laughed. He said, yea he was surprised too. I said, “What about that guy fishing out there, can’t you buy one off him?” The waiter looked like he didn’t get the joke. We decided not to get an appetizer. We asked for water and explained about the tea being rancid. He seemed clueless about how that coulda happened but apologized.

30 minutes later, as my hips were crying in pain and my stomach was growling, our food arrived. We had to ask for silverware, you know, to eat the food with. My salad was served with my meal (it would have been nice to have a snack 15 minutes ago). My dish lacked the cornbread that was listed in the menu description and my husband’s lacked the blue cheese sauce. My quail dish looked pretty good. It was served in an oblong ramekin and for some reason someone had decided to dress it up with chopped, raw tomatoes. Why? A hot dish of fried quail and grits served with barely pink, chopped tomato? I scooted them off my dish in disgust. The first bite was rich (not flavorless), the texture was good. Someone had been heavy handed with the salt even though the sausage was salty already. The grits were creamy. The tasso gravy/sauce was more like chicken fried gravy, not the traditional light, creamy roux with tasso ham to season it. Not great, but okay. My husband was suspiciously eyeballing his steak. I asked what the matter was. He said didn’t have a steak knife and the waiter had disappeared again. Hubby got up, walked into the kitchen to ask for one. He said someone started yelling and freaking out on the waiter about why he didn’t put a knife with the dish. Now armed with a steak knife my husband dug in. He said it was a little “wild” tasting but good. I tried it and it tasted like a steak. Nothing special. He said his green beans were good but the sweet potato fries, which were drowned in honey, were cold. My mixed vegetables were surprising good, cooked well, seasoned lightly. The salad was okay. There was no cornbread. We had a hard time getting refills on our water.

The place was nearly empty when we came in. When we left it was maybe 1/8 full in the dining room. It was not a slammed night; there was no excuse for such bad service and mediocre food. Husband, in his very kind way, complained to the waiter about the poor service/food. The waiter apologized and used the old “I’m new” excuse. I give this place a 3 out of 10. We won’t go back even though we were excited about this being a really cool, new thing with exotic meats.

My conclusion is you need to be drunk to enjoy this place. It is a Northern Guy trying to do Southern, good-ole-boy food and doing it badly. The service is terrible, the décor unimaginative, and it’s not worth the price (over $50 for our dinner).

Just My Average Thursday

2011-09-08T09:54:00.000-07:00

Text Conversation with my husband from just moments ago.

Him: Have you seen Kirk Douglas in "lust for life"?
Me: Uh...I don't know. How are you feeling? (He's been a little sicky.)
Him: Ok for now
Me: My love of you will heal your aches and pains.
Him: I wish
Me: (thinking of some Michael Scott comeback and failing) But it helps, right?
Him: That movie is the story of Van Gogh.
Me: What?
Me: Speaking of being an incubus of plague let's see Contagion this weekend.
(We have thought for the last 3 weekends that we would go see it only to be disappointed that it wasn't out yet, I am already sick of Contagion (get it?)).
Him: Ok
Him: I could sneeze a lot in the movie and make everyone freak out.
Me: Perfect. It will be like a Project Mayhem thing!
Him: Lust for Life
It won some awards. I put it in our Q
Disk only
Me: Oh the Kirk Douglas one from the 70's. Yeah, I want to see that. Good job.

If this convo was hard to follow then you don't belong in my life. Because this is the rambling thought process multiplied by text-speak-lag that is my life.

Reading Update Ya'll

2011-09-06T05:30:00.000-07:00

Some of you read my post about summer reading a few weeks back (or a month, I can't remember). I have been a reading maniac this summer...found some great books.

The Help was amazing, as most of you know. And the movie did not disappoint like some made-from-my-favorite-books-into-movies movies do (I'm not pointing finger Time Traveler's Wife). Which isn't easy to do. It is amazing!

Room...holy shit. I read it in less than 24 hours. I read it while folding laundry, do you know how hard that is?

The City of Ember, People of Sparks, Prophet of Yonwood...a young adult series that I really enjoyed, one left to read.

Just read Rant by Palanuik...crazy, mind-vlowing!

What are you reading?

Laundry Soap

2011-09-02T05:23:00.000-07:00

Boo Yow!

For $.71 I made two gallons of laundry soap. That's right, SEVENTY-ONE CENTS!!!

Here's how I did it. It is easy. Takes about 20 minutes to make.

1 c Washing Soda (Arm and Hammer, NOT baking soda, find it in the laundry supply aisle) $3.00 appx.
1 c Borax $3.00 appx.
1/2 bar of soap (I like Ivory, also can use Fels Naptha- use 1/3 of a bar for this one) $1.00 for three
Lotsa water
1 container with a lid that will hold 2 gallons(I use a square catfood bucket sans catfood)

Add 6 cups water to a pot, grate your soap into the pot. Bring to a low boil, until soap is melted. Stir with a wooden spoon.

Add borax and washing soda. Stir until dissolved. Turn off heat. Add 4 cups of hot water to the container. Pour your dissolved mixture into your container. Then add 1 gallon + 6 cups of cold water. Stir until combined.

Put lid on and leave for 24 hours. The mixture is not solid but not liquid. A little weird. I use 1/2-1 cup per large load.

To add a scent: use only essential oils. I haven't come up with the exact measurement for this. I have tried lavender and also eucalyptus. They both smell good in the container but don't seem to add any scent to the clothes out of the dryer.

You can thank me by sending your savings to Funds-for-Mostly-Flummoxed-to-Quit-Her-Day-Job.

Wednesday

2011-08-31T08:48:00.000-07:00

Wearing a shirt as a scarf today. I think it works. I needed something to hide my tattoos, the tank top with a shrug wasn't cutting it. It is a see thru, blowsy shirt meant to be worn with a cami...but wearing it that way is kinda 2008.

Painting by the light of my phone

2011-08-27T09:52:00.000-07:00

Just kidding, we didn't lose power here, just a lot of wind and rain. But I did get a few paintings done in between storing water and canned foods.

Black-shouldered kite


Crow eggs

Robin's egg in nest

For more see my etsy shop or my art blog (the design in under construction, don't judge)

Of course, these images are copyrighted by me and my team of Burly Lawyers.

Hurricane's a coming

2011-08-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

We, in SC, are lucky this time, seems like Irene will pass us by. My girls and I just filled our 10 gallon water jugs, the pantry is stocked, I don't think too much will happen here. But each time a hurricane brews in the Atlantic my mind flies back to the Hurricane that destroyed everything I knew. Here is the article I wrote for The Sun News on the 20th anniversary of Hugo.

"It was September 1989, I had just started my junior year at Myrtle Beach High School. My life was full: I was on the dance squad, a member of various clubs, in the chorus, and excited about my new-to-me used car. My parents owned a little motel on the beach in Surfside, we lived in an apartment behind the office. On September 25th my family and I turned all eyes to the television to watch a tropical development in the Atlantic. We had been through storms before, we thought we knew what to expect and how to prepare for whatever the ocean brought our way. Everything about our lives would soon change.

On September 28th we evacuated our beach front property in preparation from Hurricane Hugo. We knocked on the motel room doors to tell the few guests we had that we were leaving and they would need to as well. We began packing our belongings in our vehicles. I distinctly remember packing a bag with a few of my clothes, tucking in the dust ruffle on my bed and putting my beloved box of childhood mementos on top of my bed. I was sure the box would be safe there in case a little water came in. It was unsettling to leave our home running from a storm but we thought life would resume the next day.

My family and I drove to 2nd Avenue in Myrtle Beach, my mom thought being a few miles north and inland would be safer. My parents, brother, grandfather, our pets, and I would be staying with my oldest sister in her little house. The same house that had weathered numerous hurricanes without a scratch, all the way back to Hurricane Hazel in 1954.

At my sister’s house, we settled in with extra batteries, flashlights and candles and waited for landfall. We talked about the legend of my grandmother riding out Hazel in that house. She had watched through the windows, with her two young children, when Hazel hit during the day in 1954. When the eye of the hurricane passed over, she grabbed her children and raced to the beach. She stood at the dunes to watch the ocean violently roll and knead itself. She watched as 2nd Avenue pier broke apart. As the hurricane picked back up she returned to the safety of her home.

My only knowledge of disaster was what I had heard or read in my short life. I had recently read ‘Alas, Babylon‘. As my family prepared the for the storm, remembering disaster preparations from the book, I filled up the tubs, sinks and all the containers I could find with water. As it happened, the water I saved ended up being worth it’s weight in gold. For days after Hugo it was all the water we had.

As night began to fall around us and Hugo swirled closer to Charleston, we heard a knock on the door. It was the police, they were making sure people in the neighborhood had evacuated. My mom told the officer that we were staying. The policeman had her sign a form, listing everyone in the house and their ages. He also had her write down our next of kin’s contact information in the event of our deaths. I think that is when I broke down. The fear and stress of the afternoon came tumbling through an internal dam, I leaned over on my sister and cried.

My sister at college in North Carolina, begged on the phone for us to leave, but it was too late to leave even if we wanted to.

During the night the phones and lights went out. WKZQ stayed on the air giving us updates after law enforcement and emergency services left. I remember how eerie it was as the radio played “Riders on the Storm” by The Doors and the wind made the house whine and creak around us. My parents and older sister talked about what we would do if the house flooded. The attic, someone said, we could all get up there if the water rises. They worried about my grandfather, who couldn’t swim, as if anyone would be able to swim out of what was coming.

We eventually blew out the candles and went to bed with Hugo growling around us. When we woke in the morning, the sun was out and birds were chirping. It was like waking from a bad dream. Did that really happen last night?

My brother and dad had left at the crack of dawn to get down to the motel before law enforcement was out to stop them. When they came back hours later their faces were solemn as they prepared my mom for the bad news. The motel was indescribable. Destroyed. My mom wanted to leave then to see for herself but the roads were blocked by debris and the National Guard. We would have to wait to until tomorrow for them to take us all back down there.

The next day we headed to Surfside. We rode along Business 17, looking absolute destruction. When we finally made it to Surfside, my parents went to city hall to get a permit to go see our ocean front property. We drove down Ocean Boulevard, around newly formed sand dunes and fallen Palmetto trees in the road. We stopped in the street in front of where the motel had stood. Our two story, L-shaped hotel was missing half of the first floor rooms. The ground beneath it was gone, only a huge hole, broken asphalt and concrete remained. The second story was dangling in midair as if waving goodbye to the storm that had destroyed it.

Part of the motel, that had been our downstairs apartment, was filled with sand, broken furniture, dead fish, and trash. Only the furniture that was too big to wash out a door or window had stayed. Nearly everything we had was gone or destroyed and there wasn’t any flood insurance on the motel.

The clean-up began. We salvaged what we could, taking it upstairs to a mostly undamaged part of the motel. All our tools, wheel barrow, ladders, everything we needed to clean and repair had been washed away. We did what we could that day and returned to our new home. We went to bed dirty and got up in the morning, put on dirty clothes and went back to work. We drank, bathed, and made food with the reserved water I had saved (in the tub).

One long, hot day while we were working, thirsty and hungry (they hadn’t invented 20 oz. bottled water to take everywhere, yet), my brother and I dug the motel’s vending machine out of the dirt. He pried the door off and found several unbroken glass sodas bottles. We popped the top on one and passed around the hot, sticky, orange drink. My mother looks back in embarrassment because that happened to be the moment a journalist decided to interview her holding the dirty, hot drink, dug out of the sand.

When the phones came back on we began hearing from motel guests, who had stayed at our motel since I was a little girl. They were calling to see if we were okay. My mom had a hard time breaking the news to the guests. Days later, these guests, some of them retirement-age, began showing up with hammers, saws, and tool belts. They asked what we needed, they were ready to work.

They helped us rebuild our home and our livelihood. Friends of friends came unannounced and showed us how to frame doors and walls, how to build a new staircase. People helped us haul out hundreds of pounds of water soaked, sand weighted carpet. My sister’s service fraternity showed up en masse to haul away cinder blocks, trash and wood. My dance squad brought food and clothes and cleaned out the rotting food in our the buried kitchen. There was no end to the kindness, to the love we felt.

I learned more about myself, my family, and humanity in those months of rebuilding than I have in my life since. I had never been challenged so much or for so long. Before that year, I had rarely held a hammer, never sanded or swept until I had blisters on my hands, never lost everything and had to rebuild it myself.

Twenty-five years later it is still hard to believe all the destruction and sorrow that happened because of Hugo. My family, when asked about that time, remembers the pain and fear of the not knowing what would come next. But then a pride comes into our voices, we shift our shoulders back and talk about our strength and endurance through that disaster. We rebuilt our lives, with the help of friends, motel guests, neighbors, strangers. As hard as it was, it made our backbones stronger and our skin tougher. Hugo stands for more than a ravaging storm, for us it stands for Help Us Go On."

written by Neva Campbell and published in The Sun News September 2009

Stay Golden SC

2011-08-26T08:45:00.000-07:00

We (SC) have hit a new low....(face palm)

Cocktane, a Gamecock energy drink. It is made from the neck sweat of a thousand Bubbas, and will Git Er Done.

Homework, You Say?

2011-08-23T07:12:00.000-07:00

I have a newly minted 5th grader and 3rd grader.

The 5th grader got a packet at Open House last week. We brought it home, perused it, she grabbed her one "Get to Know Me" thing to fill out and I sat down for a long-ass case of tennis wrist. Form after form with the exact same questions on them. In fact I think someone was screwing with me by taking the same questionnaire in Pulisher and just reconfiguring them and printing them out againa nd again.

I filled out 14 forms with her name, my name, my numbers, a emergency contact (which I never know does this mean ME, won't they call me first, does this mean if they can't get a hold of me then what?) on and on and on the questions went. Then we got to the really difficult ones like "Tell us what your child's strengths are?" Uh...I mean I KNOW my kid, in and out. I wiped poop off her ass while she hung from my breast for years. But, I want to write something that will convey all her wonderousness (don't worry I didn't use that made-up word on the form) to the teacher. Then there was this doozy. "Tell us what your expecatations are for your child this year?"....Uh...to pass...the..um...5th...grade...for you to like...be kind...to her? Come one people!

By this point my brain was oatmeal. I wrote, "We expect her to exceed all our expectations that we set too high for her and to kick every 5th graders ass in all areas of academics and sports. This is what we expect."

Too much?

I kidd.

Oh, then the 3rd grader brought home the same shit. Damn my hand is tired!

Paintings

2011-08-17T06:39:00.000-07:00

First in the Birds series: Painted Bunting and Pear

Star Finch with barbed wire

Dead Bluebird with skeleton key

Love Owl in pink

Starling on a wire

As you can see I am on a roll...did my first painting as an example for a class I am teaching in September then I couldn't stop! Each one if my "new" favorite.

Of course, these images are copyrighted and cannot be used in anyway.

Must go now...painting hours are awasting!

Now for sale at my etsy shop Story of an Artist

Busy

2011-08-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

I've been preparing for a few things and haven't had time to add photos to the posts I have written and saved. One thing I'm getting ready for: teaching an art class!
And that led to me picking up my paintbrush again.
And that led to starting a series of paintings....

Painted Bunting (first in the series)

As I Sit

2011-08-05T14:05:00.000-07:00

As I sit here, staring at this blasted screen my husband is playing the guitar and singing me a song. My girls, meanwhile, are running through the sprinklers and their joy is so effervescent that kids walking by stop and smile at them. Then moments later come back in their bathing suits to join them. The dogs are panting and one is repeatedly nudging my hand. It's a sweet yet digusting wet-nosed gesture. Also, it's a little hard to type while fending her off.

In the other room sits a painting that I am working on. It's a good start but there's some trouble with it that I haven't quite figured out yet. I am taking a few days to ponder it, get some perspective. However, this makes me nervous because what if like some of my other paintings I don't finish it because I lost my momentum? Paintings are so much harder than writing. If I don't finish some writing, it hides quietly in my computer or my notebook. It isn't physically present for people to ask about.

As I write, as my husband sings, are house is slowly sinking around us. The result of years of moisture eating away at the joists and girders and floor. Too many men have crawled under there and come out shaking their heads at me as I stare wide eyed with fear about what they are about to tell me. This house, what a mess this house has been, one thing after another. But it's our home, it's where my children will remember playing in the sprinklers. It is going to kill our pocketbooks. Oh well, at least it can be fixed. At least we have a shelter.

Looking outside through the windows it looks deceptively green and cool, like spring. I know that if I open my front door it will feel like stepping into a hearty, beef stew. It's muggy and hot but thank God it's so beautiful, safe, and peaceful.

There's a pan of vegetable lasgna in the oven, The work of my husband and I, we made the noodle, chopped and cooked the veggies and put it all together. It was nice to cook with him, we don't do it often enough.

What's going on with you right at this moment? Send me a link or put it in the comments.

Reading

2011-08-01T15:21:00.000-07:00

I heart reading. I read a lot. I feel lost without a book near me. I know, bla bla bla, who cares?

But what's a blog without me running on at the mouth? I just wanted to give you a run down of some great books I have read this summer.

The Girl She Used to Be
Great story, wish it ended differently.

The Forgotten Garden
A new favorite. A very fast read!

Riverton House
Another Kate Morton, was a little slow, not like Forgotten Garden but I still liked it.

Plague of the Dead and Thunder and Ashes
   I love post-apocalyptic fiction. These were great but I wish he had gotten to write the thrid because it leaves you hanging.

Same Kind of Different As Me
Good, a little hoakie or syrupy.

Now reading:
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
   An amazing non-fiction book about ethics in light of scientific discovery when cells are taken from a biopsy of a malignant tumor of an African American mother in the 1950's without her knowledge or permission.

The Help
You know, you've heard about it...

Just got:
Room
   Just got it today from Amazon...can't even remember what it's about.

The Gurensey Literary and Potatoe Peel Society
The lady who checked at the checkout said I would love it. What does she know about me? I hate when ~~people~~ strangers tell me something like that.

Amazing

2011-07-29T14:02:00.000-07:00

Can't stop watching these...

Can't take my eyes off Ivan.

Can't take my eyes off either of them!

And that leap at the end is incredible. She jumps from like 5 feet away and he cacthes her with one arm. ONE ARM! ONE ARM!!! Are you shitting me? I adore Melonie, she is as cute as a button and dances like a beast.

I love this show and my husband hates it. He doesn't get why I want to watch it. Well, I don't get how he can watch those fishing shows. And dancing is a hell of a lot more entertaining. Especially when it involved Ivan.

What are you guilty pleasure tv shows?

It's the Worst

2011-07-27T06:55:00.000-07:00

Found a list of Top 30 Worst Food in America and I can honestly say that ~~everything~~ almost everything on that list that is not appealing to me (exception #16 and #19 and maybe #29). I like burgers and fries and fajitas and dessert but I wouldn't order these particular things in a restaurant, especially a chain, fast food restaurant. Sorry, don't mean to sound uppity. Well, maybe I do.

Got me thinking about other Worst lists...

Bottom 100 on IMDb...I might have seen one of these. I like the title to #59 and #79.

Worst Album Covers...Yes, oh yes to #77 and Wow to #54 and Aaawwww, Poor Tori #30 and I had #22 and #1.

Worst Celeb Baby Names....I like #5 because I could say to my husband, "You got Moxie?" And apparently Paula Yates is off her flipping rocker and really into Rock Stars. And I never minded Apple, it sure as hell isn't inthe same galaxy as Jermajesty!

Okay, go out into the virtual world and enjoy.

Making Pasta: Take Two

2011-07-26T08:04:00.000-07:00

My hubby gave me the pasta attachments for my KitchenAid for my birthday. I made pasta once (ravioli's no less) that sucked because I was...well, a dummy about one or two instructions for the pasta roller. Also, I didn't have 00 flour that time, and made do with the AP flour I had. I read a lot about making good pasta and started to look for 00 (zero, zero) flour in stores. No luck. Finally I had to order it from an Amazon store. There was not one place around here that had this kind of flour (not even Whole Foods). If I was going to make pasta (again) I would do it right, dammit.

So here goes...

3 cups of 00 Flour
2 large whole eggs

Scoop flour into a pile on your work surface, make a well in the center. Crack eggs in well. Begin combining eggs with flour by gently pulling flour from the sides of the well and incorporating with a fork (see below). Go slowly so you don't "bring down the walls" of the well and your egg escapes. (This was really easy and surprisingly more so than mixing it in the KitchenAid mixer like I did last time.)

Soon this mess will begin to form a dough. Combine/knead to pick up more flour. (see below)

Let your dough rest under a bowl for 10-15 minutes.

Using my hand dandy Kitchen Aid with my new pasta roller/cutter attachments (scary knives in the background give this scene a sense of foreboding).

I flatten my dough ball and stretch it a little by hand and then cut it into thirds. Begin with the largest dial setting for the pasta roller and begin to feed through. I like to feed each piece through twice. Then move down to the next setting and repeat with all the pieces. At some point when the strips are getting too long to handle I cut them in half. Continue until you have a sheet so thin you could read a newspaper through it (I was making angel hair, you may be making something else and wouldn't need them so thin).

Super thin sheets. (see below)

Change the attachment from rolling/thinning to cutting. Begin feeding in. In hindsight I wish I had had a bowl or plate underneath because I caught the noodles with my hand but a lot of little pieces fell. Also, I didn't want all the extra flour from the work surface on them.

I made nests after each handful before feeding the next strip in. I had salted water boiling and ready for them.

You could also dry these and store them for later.

Boil for 2-3 minutes. This pasta was super tender and delicate. Didn't need any butter only a sprinkle of Parmesan and some roasted garlic. Really yummy. So yummy that I didn't get a photo of the dish before gobbling it up. Sorry.

Served with 40 Cloves of Garlic Chicken, sourdough bread, and steamed veggies (the garlic cloves were perfect for mashing and adding to the noodles and spreading on bread with olive oil).

Postscript: Later as I cleaned my attachments (you clean them after the pasta has dried on them), I must have been a little delusional and got the cleaning brush caught in the spinning noodle cutter. It ate it up fast. I turned it off and then worked on cutting the brush out with scissors and a sharp knife. Grrrrr....I still haven't gotten all the bristles out and am afraid I have ruined this attachment. Note: Do not clean when you are tired.

Facebook Saves Lives

2011-07-23T14:55:00.000-07:00

Just read an article about how a few FB posts from a mom with a sick child got responses from friends that told her to get her child to the ER immediately. Her friends suspected Kawasaki disease and they were right.

I to have experienced the wonder of FB.

Whilst on my trip to NYC in the fall I checked in to my FB and saw my neighbor had messaged me that she thought my dogs were out. I called my husband who was sleeping and didn't answer. I messaged her back, she messaged me and said she had caught them. I then called my MIL who woke my hubby who went to get the dogs. Thanks FB!

Then a few weeks ago, as I was reading friends' posts I saw my friend Wendy's husband left a post about being unable to find Wendy at some huge complex. I posted a reply and he replied, "Please call W, I think her iPad died and I can't find her." I don't know why he couldn't call her but I did and was able to reunite the lost couple who were on vacation in another state.

Funny how small the world is becoming.

Three Words

2011-07-18T04:39:00.000-07:00

Counting her Booty

She turns 8

Happy B Day

Fireworks over M.I.

Ka Boom

You Know I'm Not Japanese, Right?

2011-07-15T15:50:00.000-07:00

With that said, Ima gonna share what we did on Sushi Night last night. As I said, I am not of Japanese decent, I have not trained under a sushi-making-master...I'm just a lady who married an awesome guy and has two crazy kids who all like sushi. And since it's illegal to print your own money and take the whole family out for a sushi fest, we make our own from time to time.

Here's how it went down.

We used Calrose rice*# which is my fave go-to white rice, anyway. It is also short grain and works well for sushi. After you measure out how much you will cook you have to wash and drain the rice like for 127 hours. Maybe an exaggeration. But it takes a while to get all the starch washed off and get the water you drain off to look clear. I then put it in the pot, add the water I need according to the directions and let it soak for 30 minutes. Then I cook it as per instructions. We have a gas stove and this is a tricky MoFo of a situation. But all was well.

I then prepared my veggies and stuff. Toasted some sesame seeds, peeled/seeded/sliced a cucumber, sliced an avocado, shredded the "crab" (really was sushi EVER made with real crab? How did we end up with this LA-version of crab: all white, shiny, dyed-to-simulate and packaged in plastic "crab flavored" stuff?). I also toast the Nori* on my big ole grill pan, which can do two sheets at a time. I cooked the eel*, then put some more unagi sauce* on it and toasted it. Hubs prepared the tuna* by slicing it into appropriate pieces.

Wrap you sushi mat (wait, go get a sushi mat* before you start, you did that right?)...so wrap it in saran unless you enjoy scrubbing gooey, old rice from between bamboo skewers for hours at a time.

Okay, so the rice is cooked, dump it into a hug bowl. Add 3 TB seasoned rice vinegar# per 3 cups of rice. Toss. Put in front of a fan and toss with a paddle every few minutes to cool the rice until it is barely warm. The fan and tossing makes it sticky and room temperature.

Get a bowl of water (for finger and knife dipping), a cutting board, sushi mat, a clean dishtowel and all your ingredients. Now go Google "how-the-hell to make sushi" because from this point on I don't have the time to break it down for you. Sorry. I, personally suck at making rolls, I always overstuff them or they don't stick together or something terrible happens. So my husband rolls them up. I do okay at making the a la carte pieces with little strips of nori wrapped around so that's were I focus my attention.

Oh, let me tell you how my hubs tried to kill me. So I got this tube of wasabi while picking up avocados at the grocery. I usually get a can of wasabi powder* and mix up our own wasabi paste but I couldn't remember if I had any at home and voila there was a ready-made tube on Food Lion's shelf. Easy. Hubs saw it on the table when I unpacked the groceries and tired it straight from the tube and freaked out. Apparently it was a good deal stronger than our usual stuff. So then he smears a teeny-tiny bit on some of the rolls and a la carte pieces and sets them aside for me and himself. Thanks, buddy.

He eats a piece of said "wasabi sushi" and freaks out. Everyone laughs at him getting red and trying to suck air into his mouth to cool it down. Ha ha haaa, silly man. So then I take a bite (assuming that he had added more wasabi to his piece before eating) and HOLY SHITE! Hegot me, he really got me. That stuff was nuclear. All I could do was cry and hit my head and choke out a few expletives. He and the MIL enjoyed laughing at that.

But back to the family sushi. It was all was delicious. And we got full which hardly ever happens in a sushi restaurant. And the kids enjoyed their crazy rolls they made. And BONUS: today I will be having sushi for lunch at work!

*Asian Market supplies
#Regular old grocery store supplies

I Remember

2011-07-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

When I was about 9 years old my grandparents bought a house on a saltwater creek. They were ready to retire from the motel they owned and ran for 20 years. My parents and all of us moved into the motel and took over running it. But this isn't about that living-in-a-motel chapter of my life. This is about the creekhouse (Cue ominous music).

The house was really cool because it was big and sunny and had a dock that we could crab and fish off of or run and jump from. My grandparents moved into the mostly furnished place, settled into the easy living and had all of us grand kids spend the night often.

As a 9 year old I loved the mirrored wallpaper in the stairwell and the wall of mirrors in my grandmothers room. Super tacky, I know, but that was my taste back then.

It was built like the beach houses around here, up on stilts to protect it from the inevitable flooding that happens in hurricane season. Upstairs was the main living area, my grandma and grandpa's bedroom (two separate rooms) the living room, sun-room, kitchen, dining room and a bathroom. There was a front porch and a back porch that ran the length of the house. Downstairs was a foyer and two bedrooms with a bath in between and a large rec room that was built below the sun room upstairs. The rec room was unfinished. I think it had concrete floors with finished walls and windows.

The reason I am giving all the details of the layout is so you can get a visual picture of what I'm about to tell you. It is one of the weirdest and creepiest times in my life.

My oldest sister, who was in college at the time, lived with my grandparents in the larger of the downstairs bedrooms. Her room had it's own entrance that opened on to the carport. She left early in the morning to make the commute to college.

The other downstairs bedroom was tiny with two twin beds. That is where my siblings and I and my cousins would stay when we spent the weekend with my grandparents. At night we would lay on the thin, textured bedspread and play beauty shop or read or make up games until it was time to go to sleep.

I don't know what order the following incidents happened in, it's been too long to keep that straight but the rest of the details are burnished on my memory forever.

Creepy example A: I remember sleeping in the room with my cousin or maybe my brother and waking up to see a dark figure at the end of the bed. I blinked several times to clear my eyes/mind of what I thought might be a dream and yet there he still stood. Taller than any of us kids and not my grandfather. No face, no details, just a man-shaped shadow. In horror, I closed my eyes and ran out of the room and up the stairs and dove into my grandma's bed. In the morning, she assured me that I must have been dreaming.

Creepy example B: We, those of us sleeping downstairs, would always hear someone on the stairs or in the kitchen at night. My grandparents were heavy sleepers and not likely to get up to make snacks at 3 or 4 am when the noises occurred. I hate how cliche this sounds but that's how it was, footsteps on the stairs and cabinets and drawers opening and closing above our heads where the kitchen was. Once I went to check on who was up and moving around and found my grandparents deeply asleep moments after hearing the banging in the kitchen.

Creepy example C: When we would play marathon games of Monopoly in the rec room if always felt like a cold, ominous, creepy, unfriendly place. I would try to break away and go back upstairs to be with my grandma but my brother and cousins would tease me about being a chicken. Still, I never lasted long before I made the dash, getting through my sister's room to get to the stairs was best done at a full run. Not very solid evidence but I still remember that feeling.

Creepy example D: My sister, who was a notorious over-sleeper was supposed to be awake, dressed and ready to go when her friend, A, got there to ride to school in the mornings. A, would have to bang and bang on the door to get my sister up (remember the days before cellphones). Hearing the banging, my sister would snap awake, jump out of bed, unlock the door at a run to get to the bathroom and quickly get ready. A, would come in pissed that they were going to be late again. This happened many, many times. One time I spent the night, and heard my sister get up on time in the morning to start getting ready in the little bathroom. I then heard A start talking loudly from the other room and my sister, who was surprised that A had come in, ask what was wrong. When A saw that my sister was fully dressed and nearly ready she was quite shocked. Her impression had been that D had overslept again and made the mad dash for the lock and bathroom as usual. My sister said no, that she hadn't even heard her knock. A then said she had banged once, heard the lock turn and the door open. By that time, I had heard all the commotion and came into the room. My sister, A and I all exchanged looks like something out of the Hardee Boys, completely befuddled about how the door unlocked and let A in.

Creepy example E: This memory is a little more fuzzy. I think I was so freaked out and many other people were there to witness it that I let the details slip. I don't remember how it started but my sister was in her room trying to iron some clothes. The overhead light was on. She must have shouted for us because my grandmother, mom, and I ended up in her room. At that time, I was really into recording my family with my huge jambox and a cassette tape. My grandmother hated it and would fuss at me to stop. Anyway, I was recording what happened next.

My sister said her tv came on and the overhead light went off. The tv was glowing blue right in the center of the screen. When she went to flick the light switch for the overhead light the tv would come on and off. When she turned the tv on the light came on. We stood there watching her do it. I recorded the voices of my mom and grandmother exclaiming over what was happening. Of course, being a silly kid, I later recorded over that tape- probably some stupid 80's music off the radio. I have thought about that tape a lot because not long after my grandma got in a carwreck and was very sick. I wish I could still hear her voice.

So all this added up to all of us feeling really freaked out in that house.

My grandparents got in a car wreck sometime later and we moved them into the motel with us to take care of my very sick grandmother. The creekhouse sat abandoned for a year or more. Creepy example F: One day we drove down to check on it, I think we were going to sell it, and we walked through the house. Everything was fine, nothing was amiss upstairs or on the property. When I checked on the bedroom I had slept in, I saw the neatly made up bed held an impression like someone had been laying on the bed. No one had been to that house in over a year. If someone had broken in there was no evidence.

And lastly, the house was sold. My grandmother died. My parents continued to take care of the motel and my grandfather. Creepy example G: We later learned that the man who bought the house had died in a freak hunting accident a short time after he purchased it.

Cue the closing creepy music: I have never been back.

PS: Do I believe in ghosts? My husband scoffs at the idea and I am not sure. I know I have these memories and how real the feeling of being scared/being watched were. I don't know what I believe. Weird, creepy shit happens for unknown reasons. I guess.

PSS: I shoulda attached a clip that has the crazy ghost/zombie image pop up on the screen to scare you but I am not that cruel.

I Recycle: Brussels (post from 2009)

2011-07-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

(photo: what was left after family of 5 gobbled them up)

Think you don't like Brussel Sprouts? Have no idea how to cook them? Maybe have no idea what they are?
Well, let me introduce you...B.S. meet Blogger, Blogger meet B.S...Now that you are more familiar let me tell you how I make them and see if you like them too...

1 pack of Brussel Sprouts (they should be consistent in size and color through-out the pack)
1 pot of cold water
1 pot of boiling water
1 TB salt
3 TB butter

Soak brussells sprouts in cold water for at least ten minutes. Take out, peel off any discolored leaves, cut off bottom stem.

Have lid ready for your boiling water pot, add B.S. in a handful at a time and replace lid. This ensures that the water will keep boiling and not cool down. When all B.S. are in, set timer for 10 minutes.

When they are finished, drain, put in a lovely dish, add a few pats of butter and sprinkle with salt. Add lid on top to keep warm.

Enjoy your Vitamin C (22% of your daily) and Vitamin K (37% of your daily) and Omega 3 and 6 fats in these cute little bundles!

Observations

2011-07-12T07:45:00.000-07:00

In line at the bank yesterday...
Redneck guy with his poodle on the counter, talking loudly on his cellPHONE as the teller politely tried to do her job. Then a guy in the drive-thru catches my attention, I watch him through the large plate glass window dig for gold with his favorite white hankie in view of EVERYONE in the bank. Stay classy, Conway.

On my way to work...
A rainblob, ie: a blob of rainbow that doesn't quite make a arch. Still pretty.

In the grocery store...
A small, wiry man and a large boned, tall woman fighting it out as they walk into the store not giving one shit that they were in public.

In Wonder Works...
A grown man with super curly, short hair in a sleeveless, tight tee and tiny jean shorts and big tennis shoes...I swear it was Richard Simmons...except his outfit wasn't red and white.

At my Mom's...
My 13 year old niece driving the lawnmower pulling a wagon of debris frantically texting. I rolled down my window and yelled, "You Text, You Drive, You Die!!!". I scared her with the shouting then she started laughing and put her phone away (for about 20 seconds).

21 Years

2011-07-10T05:49:00.000-07:00

I was 16, he was 17. I was into Pop music and dance and still a momma's-girl. He was a Punk guy that didn't care what anyone thought and didn't ask his mom's permission to do anything. Met at some meeting my mom took me to, then again in art class the next year where he sat behind me and played with my hair. By summer we had been really good friends for a few months.

We worked together in a shark aquarium that summer. I had the biggest crush on him but since he had told me the same thing 6 months earlier and I said I wanted to be friends I didn't think he felt the same way still.

I was wrong.

We argue about who made the first move.

Been together ever since.

I heart you, Josh. Forever and Always.

Pack Rats and Fit Throwers

2011-07-07T13:23:00.000-07:00

REPOST from way back...however, we are going through this exact same thing right now! Sheesh!

Okay, remember that screaming-crying fit my daughter was having yesterday regarding cleaning her room?

Well, today we got up and started cleaning. I took my eldest and we tackled her room and my mother-in-law (Honey, aka MIL) took my youngest (Fit-Thrower) and tackled her room.

*Tick tock, tick tock*Hours later...

I emerged from B's room, with a yard bag (you know the kind you put leaves in?) of trash, freezing feet (our floors are tile) and a slight case of exhaustion. I headed into Z's (Fit-Thrower) room thinking we were all close to completion and found about 1/4 of it cleaned. You see, my MIL and Z had cleaned Stuff You Don't See! What? Really! I mean, we have 15 inches of shit piled on the floor, a mish mash of dirty clothes, clean clothes, candy wrappers, toys, paper, books, small animals, nuclear waste....and they are concentrating on the stuff you CAN'T see, ie: under the bed and in the closet!

So I started whipping around the room, tossing stuff when Z wasn't looking...cause you know what? She is a pack rat- she keeps papers FOREVER, wrappers, McDonalds toys, etc. and so does Bella. What am I doing that is making these kids like this?

Anyway, I digress...tossing stuff in the lawn bag, making piles, sweeping...Basically going like a mad-woman! Z has lost interest at this point and moved on which allows me to move much faster.

So after hours of cleaning, I break for lunch, go back to clean some more, do mountains of laundry and finally I have this to show for it...(sorry, i couldn't bring myself to take a before photo, it was just to painful).

B's art desk, you may not recognize it because it looked like this last time. And those are zinnia's I painted for her, she loves red and teal and so do I.

Yes, that's a giant shiny, silver Sonic the hedgehog on her bed...

My father made this shelf when I was a child, to use at the Post Office where he worked. It has been buried for year in my sister's garage, I am letting B use it because I can't give it to her- I want it too bad! And that is about as organized as it will ever be in her room.

Z's room, and another Sonic.

Her rug hasn't been this clean since I took the tags off it. Her church clothes are all laid out on her chair she painted, stood on, broke, I glued back together, and now it can only hold a doll.

Z's life is playing school. She is continuously talking to her class, instructing them, asking them to follow her...It is adorable and if she doesn't become a teacher in about 18 years I don't know what we will do.

A better shot of her school area- table, laptop (not a real one, silly), her ABC chart...And the teacher, hard at work in nightgown and slippers.

I am seriously considering moving into one of their rooms, since I have no energy left to straighten mine.

Stories

2011-07-01T16:46:00.000-07:00

There are so many little tidbits in my brain. Stories, anecdotes, WTF moments. Just remembered one little diddy but I don't know if I can/want to share. It's a little...risque?

What do you think, should I share?

Birthday

2011-06-30T12:15:00.000-07:00

Have I ever mentioned that I do not wait to open birthday presents? Nope. I don't. If I get a present in the mail it is opened as soon as I walk in the door. If a present is wrapped, you better damn well hide it from me. I can't help it (well, I could but I don't want to).

My lovely friend Wendy always sends me glorious packages of presents and ephemera. It is such a joy to get a box from her.

Yesterday I received The Artful Bird from her. It was on my amazon wish list and I am so excited to get started on my first bird!

And I also discover that the artist/author has a blog! Yippee!

Strawberry & Basil Heaven

2011-06-28T06:27:00.000-07:00

Saturday Night Dinner

After many hours at my nephews birthday bash, several of which my husband was no where to be found, I was exhausted and dehydrated. All I wanted to do was lie down with a huge glass of water and a really long straw (or maybe an IV drip).

But my husband, who returned eventually, told me he had left the party to walk around the huge touristy-shopping-attraction place where the party was. He was raving about this olive oil and vinegar store. All I heard in my party dementia was, "Bla bla vinegar bla bla yum."

After we said out goodbyes to the party people, I managed to walk over to said store. It was very cool (as-much-as I could give a shit in my state of exhaustion). There were vats (maybe not the right word) with spouts on tables all over the room. We were informed to come in and try their 60 varieties. My husband started giving us the tour: you get a tiny paper cup, and try whichever one you want. I had three sips of different olive oil before I felt like puking. Then we tried the balsamic vinegars. They were pretty amazing so I tried about 10 before I told hubby to pick what he wanted and I went to sit down. The girls were really into trying all of them, too, which was so unlike them.

Fast forward to dinner: we stopped and got two kinds of cheese, salad fixings, bread and fruits. We set everything up as the kids went tot he neighbors pool. My husband, my MIL and I sat down to a "grown-up" dinner, I was having flashback to 10.5 years ago. You know, before kids spilled things all over the table, screamed and fought through the meal, etc.

The Strawberry Balsamic and Basil Extra Virgin Olive Oil were amazing on my salad. The Espresso Balsamic was amazing on the bread, the fruit, the cheese. As were the other two...Everything was so yummy. We had so much fun trying different combinations of food and oil and vinegar. I passed out little bowls for dipping and we drizzled right on our plates. We were sticky and greasy and full by the end (sounds perverted, sorry.)

It was a really fun, special meal where we got to catch up and speak in out "inside voices". Then the kids came in...with wide eyes that we were eating without them. GAW, the nerve! The girls got out a bag of fish sticks and pretended to be grown-ups by making them themselves. Then they ate huge wads of our bread and cheese and fruit as they waited for them to cook. And guess what, they DIDN'T want to try the oil and vinegar with the food. No matter how good we told them everything was!

Weirdos.

Here is what we had:
Basil EVOO
Strawberry Balsamic Vinegar
Espresso Balsamic Vinegar
Tiny Bananas
Pear
Kiwi
Hard Italian Cheese
Havarti Cheese
Two loaves of french bread
Fresh Herbs: basil, mint, thyme and lemon balm
Fresh: cherry tomatoes, romaine, cucumber and avocado
Two bottles of Perrier

Voila! Dinner for three (and two bread hungry munchkins). This is the second photo after the above one, where Z snatched the bread out to gobble it up as I snapped the shot.

And no, I am not getting paid for this...I wish!

Three Words

2011-06-26T06:39:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I did a Three Words post, so bear with me.

My Morning Bangs (WTH?)

Waiting in Line (I love their expressions)

Z Turns 8

Italian Ice Tongue (my adorable niece and her Sour Apple Italian Ice tongue)

My Island Girl (from out vacation, she rode this 30 year old bike all over the island where we went on summer vacation.)

First Island Moments (after 8 hours in the car, they hoped out and ran to the water to begin our weeklong adventure. B is wearing pants, by the way, that she rolled all the way up.)

Girls on Swing (2011)

Girls on Swing (2010- I love to see the comparisons of how much they have grown and changed with a stable factor, ie: the swing. I also have a series when they were little in the same red rocking chair.)

Still-life before Z

Still-life after Z (immediately after I snapped the first shot, Z snuck her fast hand in and grabbed the yummy bread. I am going to do a post about this dinner soon.)

That's all folks.....

Okay...WTF?

2011-06-21T08:52:00.000-07:00

J and I have been watching The Voice. We like it a lot. Check it out if you haven't already. But here are my pet peeves (you knew they were coming didn't you?)

WTF #1: Christina. The Dolly Parton wig, the boobs that dimple in when she lifts her arm, the crazy tranny makeup, and the bitter, snarky, bitchy, hateful, immatrue comments she makes to all the other judges. WTF?
PS- She looked better last week with the braid and less makeup, although the braid drove my husband crazy.

WTF #2: The country guy. He creeps me out. And Christina creeps me out talking about taking off his pants.

WTF #3: Christinas: leather granny panties, blue Best-Little-Whore-House outfit. And everything she dresses her team in (turning them into little Christinas).

Nice: Adam Levine. So cute.

Nice: Blake Shelton. He is really tall (a weakness of mine). And seems nice. And he said, "That's what she said!" to Adam's comment about his length! Love him, don't even know what he sings.

Nice: CeeLo. Love him. He can sing, he says "Pretty Lady", and gives awesome praise.

Nice: Beverly McClellan. What an amazing voice! I mean really where has this lady been?

Nice: Dia Frampton. At first I thought she was too mousey. But now I realize that she is quietly rocking the shit out of it.

Love: Xenia. Such a unique voice, I hope she keeps coming out of her shell.

Miss: Rebecca Loebe. Why oh why did they let her go? Download her and that other guys version of Creep. So good.

WTF #?: The headband stereotypical rocker guy. Is his forehead tattooed? Is he afraid American won't like him if they catch a glimpse of his forward, brainpan? I hate the bandana on the forehead look thanks to Brett-Greasy-Michaels.

WTF #??: And I think Christina picked her whole team just so she could sing Lady Marmalade they way she always wanted to.

Okay, I am stepping down off my soap box.

Nails

2011-06-17T04:02:00.000-07:00

While we were on vacation, one of my husbands cousins taught my girls a new thing. She had her fingernails painted in this different way, swirls/splotches of color instead of one uniform hue.

After continuous nagging by my children she said she would do theirs if we got some fingernail polish. Thank you Dollar General. We got some bright hues and silver.

She did their nails on night and they looked adorable. Then the next day the kids wanted to do mine. Eeekkk. I have never let them paint mine before because they are so messy and clumsy.

Turns out it was more stressful than I could have imagined; they spilled the remover on the table and carpet, smeared polish on me and themselves and my hands don't match.

B did a great, consistent job on my left hand. Z...well, God Bless her little heart..she did my right hand.

left hand


right hand...gah.

It is quite awkward taking photos of your own hand. At work. But as you can see my right hand looks like a blind person paintede it. Each nail is completely different.

As much as I adore their efforts (and really B's are good) when I get a spare minute this weekend I'ma gonna be changing them up again.

Soon

2011-06-16T06:14:00.001-07:00

I've been on vacay for a week. Got back Tuesday and went to work Wednesday. Bleh.

I'll post pictures of our little adventure (my first time swimming in the Chesapeake Bay).

Soon, I promise.

Still Dying

2011-06-08T09:23:00.000-07:00

....but not as quickly as yesterday. I believe the virus has slowed.

In fact my new theory is I am turning into a zombie. Who ever knew it involved so much snot.

Also, I have infected my 10 year old.

At least we can covet brains together.

Nom nom nom

I May Be Dying....

2011-06-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

...So why the hell am I at work?

Uggg! I feel like a circus pile on a hot, summer afternoon (don't know what a circus pile is? Look here). My feeling like shit started Friday night with a sore throat. Unfortunately I was keeping my nieces that night and the kids were going wild. Woke up Saturday feeling worse but still not too bad. Did some weeding and took them to the pool. Realized I might be really getting sick when the pool made me feel chilled.

By Saturday night I was a big, whopping crybaby. Sunday I spent in the bed watching movies and whistling for my kids since I had lost my voice.

Here are some do's and don'ts about sick movie watching:

Do catch up on Celebrity Ghost Stories that you have recorded on the dvr.

Dont' watch And Soon the Darkness...it was horrible and really, loong and drawn out!

Do watch Little Voice when you see that is is FINALLY on Instant Netflix.

Don't watch Letters to Juliette (for the second time) when your husband decides to keep you company in the bed. You will be embarrassed for liking the movie the first time in light of how silly and cheesy it seems the second time.

Do or Don't? I tried to watch Like Water for Chocolate cause I loved the book but the movie was too cheesy and outdated.

We got on vacation on Thursday, which starts with a 6 hour car-ride with kids and hubby. I cannot feel this bad on vacation, people are likely to die if I do. Going to the doc today, this thing better be treatable.

As B would say, ROAR!

Uh...OMG

2011-06-03T15:38:00.000-07:00

No waaaayyyyy.

This is too much. Tall, adorable, sexy, bright blue eyes, and he speaks FRENCH.

BOOM!

My head just exploded.

Sooo Long

2011-05-27T12:56:00.000-07:00

My computer has been at the doctor for a week and when I finally get it back and plugged all up my brain is dead. Sheesh, I have had so many good ideas this week for posts too.
Oh well, everyday can't be sunshine and rainbows.

A few cool things.
I love all things zombie and when I saw the CDC's new ad campaign I thought they were genius!

Reading: Plague of the Dead, I Am Legend, and finished The Forgotten Garden. All good but TFG is EXCELLENT!!!

My 10 year old, B, shaved her legs! Grrrrr. We had no idea she had done it, certainly didn't give her permission. Stubbly legs gave her away after a few days. Geez, are there any other Moms of 10 yr old girls facing this too?

Okay, I will be brilliant next week, I'm sure.

What You've Taught Me

2011-05-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

Note: Blogspot deleted this post after I posted it because they were having technical difficulties...If you left a comment and don't see it, that's why. Please comment again.

In honor of B turning 10 (which is HUGE! I mean she's 1/10 of a 100 now. And 5 years from getting her permit!) and Z turning 8 soon I was thinking of things I have learned since becoming a parent 10 years ago. My girls have taught me these lessons.

1. If they're not your kids, shut the hell up!
Before I had kids I thought I knew EVERYTHING. I mean, I was well rested, could eat whenever I wanted to, used foul language to drive my point home and had experience babysitting other people's kids. Didn't that make me an expert? I remember being so judgmental about friends and relatives and how they were parenting their kids. After having kids, and doing some of the things I thought I never would I want to jump in a Deloreian and tell me 21 year old self to "Shut It!"

2. Nothing in Life is Fair.
Two kids, two years apart, very different kinds of little people. Trying to make sure they have the same number of Christmas gifts, equal amounts of ice cream, the same number of stories at night...only drove me crazy. Life is not fair or equally divided and I can't make it that way. Making choices based on who they are and what they like, not weighing it out, saves me a lot of anxiety. And it's a good life lesson as they climb towards adulthood.

3. You can do A LOT on A LITTLE Sleep.
For the first 5 years of being a parent I slept 5 consecutive hours maybe once per month. I loved having my little nursling in bed with me but I am a light sleeper. Which is safer for baby but not so much fun for mom. Yes, you can take care of one or two kids with 2 hours of sleep last night and a 30 minutes nap and get three of you fed. You can even pay a bill or do a load of laundry. You get used to not sleeping, you really do, and then when they finally do sleep through the night (B at 3.5 and Z...well, most nights she does), it makes the zzzz's you get so much sweeter!

4. Make It Easier.
I am not organized, or a clean freak, or on-top of things, as they say. If I hadn't breastfed my kids they might have never eaten, I could barely remember to take diapers with me when we went out. Here are a few things that made my life easier:
-Get a baby sling, it is God's gift to moms. Buy one, use it. I couldn't have mothered two kids in diapers without it.
1Ask for help or at least have a list on the fridge of things that need to be done (vaccum rug, grab the basic groceries form teh store, give dog his flea medicine, wash a load of laundry) and when someone asks what they can do point to the list.
1Sleep with baby. Take a nap when baby does.
1Make simple meals.
Don't make life harder than it has to be, you are raising a human being, for goodness sakes!

5. Remember the Moments
You have heard it before, "They will grow up so fast enjoy each moment". I am really reflecting on this one since I am pretty sure I just brought B home from the hospital like last week. And now she is 10, and 5 inches shorter than me, and can do math problems in her head, and roller skate like a whirling dervish, and walks away from me without looking back. The baby toes are gone, replaced by almost woman toes. The gummy grin is gone traded in for big smiling teeth. The baby fuzz that took forever to grow an inch is now 2 and half feet long. It went so fast, a blur of feeling too tired, to stressed, too overwhelmed while taking care of a baby, then a toddler, then a baby and a toddler, then a preschooler and on and on. It always seems like time is frozen when you are in the midst of it but it's an illusion. Each second is now part of our past. Each moment is either written down, captured on film or lost to the recesses of our mommy brains. Stop and enjoy whatever/wherever your kids are at, because soon it will be in the past.

6. Shit Happens
Usually it happens to wander outside of the baby's diaper onto your new skirt as you are walking into a restaurant. We have all had those moments that feel too big/too much. The kids won't cooperate when you have a deadline to be somewhere. You just used the last diaper and see baby making "that face" again. Your toddler just told Grandma that "mom has a pretty picture on her back" much to Grandma's chagrin. These moments will be laughed at later, maybe much later when you get some perspective. And the poop stories, those make great fodder when the kids start bringing home surly boyfriends!

7. You Think You Got It Bad?
I remember having one child and thinking the world revolved around us and I couldn't possibly make it to a 9:30am story-time because she would be taking a nap (and I didn't dare mess with my baby's precious naps)! Then I had two and my second usually slept on me or in a carseat while we were running here and there. Your life can feel very big and important when you forget there are so many others who have so many more worries and challenges. I thank God every night for the roof over our heads, food in our stomachs, clothes on our backs and our health. Tomorrow the things we consider basic could become luxuries at the drop of a hat.

8. Stop trying to Be Perfect
I hate the term SuperMom. It sets such a ridiculous standard for us to fail to reach. I am not always calm and gentle with my kids. I don't always get 5 servings of fruit and veggies in them. Sometimes, their clothes have a stain on them, although they have probably been washed. They go to church in mismatched outfits with cowgirl boots on. I try to really help them by teaching them life lessons, being honest, loving them as much as I can. If my cupcakes aren't perfect, if I can't volunteer every week in their class, if I forget to send their homework back (again) just realize that I possibly got a few things right that day. I probably got them in the car with both shoes on, I might have kissed and hugged them awake that morning, I possibly told them how amazing they are before they left the house. I do my best, most of the time, at least that's what I have to keep telling myself.

9. Stop Copying Me
When I hear my kids saying stuff I have said to them and it sounds so bad I feel so guilty. Kids absorb everything. And they will spit it back out. When my daughter uses that sarcastic tone with her sister, she sounds just like me. When my other daughter spilled her game pieces and said, "Shit." That was me. When they tell the ladies at church that their mommy still hasn't' decided on a church and doesn't really like this one, you will want to slap your hand over their mouth. So think before you speak or prepare to deal with the consequences.

10. If Anything Every Happens
Mentally I have prepared for some many scenarios. Disasters roll through my brain as I try to fall asleep or zone out in the car. What if the house caches on fire? What if there is civil unrest outside my door? What abotu that creepy man is following us? My first thought is always my girls. Where will we hide? How will I get to your rooms and get you out of the burning house? If we are attacked by zombies, how do I strap you to my body and make a run for it? I have even thought how to get my daughter and I the needed thyroid replacement hormone in dire circumstances...you don't want to know that plan!

My girls are my first and last thought. Being a mother is the hardest, most stressful, most beautiful, powerful thing I have ever or will ever do. I remember their first moment on this Earth, I remember how their eyes looked deep into mine. I remember how their heartbeat felt like the most perfect metronome to measure my life by. They are my deepest joy and the genesis of becoming who I am.

They are also what bring me to my knees most days. I beleive that after I tuck them into bed at night they are secretly taking online courses. Currently they are majoring in, "Bickering and Fighting 101", "Pushing Buttons", "How to Make Mommy Yell ENOUGH", and "What? Huh? 301".

But I love them, I adore them. I am proud of them. Thanks for the lessons girls. Whatcha gonna teach me next?

Porch Time

2011-05-09T14:26:00.000-07:00

We live in a large house so we can fit the kids, hubby, his mom and I all in. It's A LOT of house to clean and upkeep. I can barely keep the laundry in constant rotation (you know, floor, hamper, laundry room, wash, dry, laundry basket, worn, floor...) much less keep the whole house clean, repaired, etc.

I am very proud of what I did accomplish this last month. I wanted to share with you was what I did to the front porch. My MIL, who lives with us, suggested repainting it a coupla months ago. I agreed it needed it but didn't think I would be the one doing it. Fast forward to this Monday when I, by myself, finally finished the job. It took three weeks with long-breaks for drying, second coats, rain days, etc. I am really, really proud of it. It's my new fave space. There are only a few small details to finish, I'm looking for some coloful wall hanging to go by the door and putting some flowers in pots here and there, a new light and screen door but those are minor.

As usual, I didn't take a before shot, stupid, stupid, stupid, I NEVER remember to take a before shot of any project! You can kinda see it in these photos but it doesn't capture the sad state of kids-junk, worn paint, dirt, cat hair, and trash that had accumulated.

Here is what I did.

I started with the ceiling. Blue sky with clouds. In the middle of painting the clouds I spontaneously added an elephant shaped one...then more animals and stuff. I didn't tell anyone, my youngest discovered it.

Elephant cloud

Next, the white walls. This took forever! The kids helped for about 30 messy minutes. Their random swipes resulted in me applying a second coat to even them out.

Floor- I painted it black (over the worn-out grey)... This really hurt my knees, hips and back.

In the meantime I was working on this painting on a piece of corrugated tin left over from my brother's tree-house project. He kindly cut it and gave it to me.

After the steps were done, I was ready to find the piece de resistance! A table and chair set I saw at World Market a few weeks ago. My MIL said she thought it was too expensive. I tried to forget about it but couldn't. Then two Mondays aog I looked online and saw it had been reduced by 50%!!! I hightailed it down to the store and the girls helped me decided on the red table with blue chairs (I love this color combo).

Next, I repainted Mr. Gnome who had faded to a sad, grey with a rusted nose. Look how dapper he is now.

Painting hung, Mr. Gnome in place, table set in place...Ta Da!

Is it wrong that I have forbidden the kids from playing on the porch? Is it wrong that I sit in my new chair, sipping iced tea while they stand at the bottom step asking if they can come up? I think not.

Happy Mother's Day to ME!

Mom

2011-05-08T07:20:00.000-07:00

My mom and I, Mother's Day 2010

There are too many things I love about her to be able to write them all down right now.

Happy Mother's Day Momma.
Love,
Babyface

The Rest

2011-04-29T12:28:00.000-07:00

I can't remember everything that happened on the Paris trip after the last post... I will just have to add little anecdotes as I remember them over the next 50 years. Check back often to see what I remembered. Also have you started following me on twitter? Why not? You can see my tweets on the right hand side.

Here's a random sampling of the adventure.

lunch during the Puce de St. Ouen

camera obscura? Puce de St. Ouen flea market

did I tell you bout the lady fussing at me about dogs and chocolate? Here's the dog.

antique clothing display

me waaaay down there, Puce de St. Ouen

so tired after the steps, Champ Elysee

My Amelie moment

ghost behind Sacre Cour

Brigette visits Notre Dame

Catacombs were awesome!!!!

Champs at night

Last meal in Paris- fried duck

That's how my English friend Pat always said my name "Genevier"

fucking steps at Montmarte, I am flipping the ever cheerful Wendy off.

Coolest store ever in Louvre, found others around town

entrance to Catacombs, love those flowers but don't know what they are...

shitty night for me and this guy told me to come in and pose for the picture with him. Cheered me to no end.

Montmarte at night, not a good night for me

Love this lady's face sitting at another table...

Yep, escargot!

The first taste. Buttery, herby tender bites. Nothing special.

Okay, that's all for now. Check back soon.

Date Night

2011-04-26T10:03:00.000-07:00

The other afternoon I was feeling quite bored and ready to get out of the house. I considered going to a movie by myself but didn't really want to be by myself. Hubby was going to be working late and the 10 yr old was sitting beside me working on a felt owl.

I looked over at her and realized we could both use some one-to-one time.

I asked her if she wanted to go on a "date" with me: grab some dinner, visit my brother in the hospital and see a movie? She jumped on the chance of leaving her little sister at home!

I told her that I didn't want to see a cartoon movie, those make me fall asleep. I really wanted to see Beastly, so we watched the trailer for it. Ick, a little too much teenage mean-spirited drama and half naked boy. We also looked at the trailers for I Am Number Four (which has the half-naked boy from Beastly) and Red Riding Hood. All three of these were PG-13. Now, she is 10 but we shelter her from a lot ...but how do I put it into words? We shelter her from the teen angst, drama, mean-spirited, talking-back, getting into mischief, sexy time kinda shows. No Hannah Montanna, No boy-twins that live on a boat and run amuck, no Magic Family that makes-out with vampires, No Bratz dolls, etc.. And it is hard because there are so many shows these days that are based on one or all of those concepts. So Beastly was out.

The other two had more violence, magic, scariness to them. B does not get scared. She doesn't have bad dreams. She isn't afraid of anything. Ever. I was not worried about a blood-thirsty wolf scaring her or teen aliens fighting an unknown force scaring her.

We finally decided on Red Riding Hood.

B and I got to have some good conversation which is usually hard with Z in the car. Z talks all the time, and talks loudly, and finishes B's thoughts. B gets very frustrated with her. But B told me what was happening at school and with the kids in the neighborhood. It was very cool how I could talk to her more on an adult level about her feelings and thoughts.

We visited my brother (he's fine now) and I answered her many question about hospitals and illness. We ate Japanese and answered her many questions about life. We made it to the mall with time to kill so we went in Claire's.

When it was time we headed into the theater. It was full of older teens and adults, quite packed really. I was a little nervous about my decision in light of NO KIDS in the audience.

The trailers before the movie were a little risque. Yikes. Can't even remember what movies they were selling cause I was wearing my "mom-filter" and freaking out about what she was seeing and hearing.

I won't break down the movie except to say that save for one part with Red and her Man-Hunk kiss, he picks her up and lays her on a bed of hay for more kissing. Eeek! When that more passionate kissing started I told B to close her eyes, which she fought but this has been our habit at home if something inappropriate surprises us from a tv show or movie. Otherwise, there was intensity, some gore, and some scariness in the movie but she wasn't bothered by that. B liked the movie and so did I (I really wanted Red's cape- so pretty), we talked about it after; about what everything meant, symbolism, meaning, etc. She said again the next day that she really liked it. I really liked getting some one-on-one time with her.

Next up: Soul Surfer with both girls...

Postscript London

2011-04-19T13:00:00.000-07:00

I forgot to mention my three first and lasting impression of London...

No trashcans! None. None! I know why but I was still shocked. It is so anti-me to throw trash on the ground.

No bathrooms. Walked for miles with people telling us there was a public loo just over there...or there...

Drunken Scotts! Priceless.

All in all I really liked London and would like to explore it more one day. And I leave you with this photo of the guard from the changing of the guard...Wendy put her camera right in his face through the fence.

You're welcome.

Paris- the Journal excerpts #4

2011-04-19T03:51:00.000-07:00

Day 4

Went downstairs and checked with a Nate-Dogg to make sure we would still have a room when we got in late that night. He smirked and said, "Yes, yes, for tonight at least." Jackass!

At the train station we had to go through customs and get stamped out of Paris and into the UK. We nearly missed the train so Wendy could pee. The guy actually fussed at us.

Caught the Eurostar to London for the day! This was a complete surprise, Wendy told me she had a surprise day planned in the months leading up to the trip but managed to keep it a secret even after we arrived in Paris. I finally begged her to tell me two days before the actual day. We researched what we wanted to do in the city the night before with the free wi-fi at the hotel. We made a list and away we went!

I have never ridden on a train before. Unfortunately it wasn't that different than riding on the Metro (the seats were a little more comfy) and there weren't people standing in the aisle. Maybe it's different on a long train ride with a food car, etc. Or maybe I am just a dreamer. My ears popped painfully over and over again, that wasn't fun. It was worse than an airplane!

We got into the train station and I felt kinda sick, probably sucking down a huge bottle of water to help my ears pop 57 times didn't help. We meandered into the main area that looked kinda like a mall, there were shops and cafes. We were extremely amused by the Scotts in kilts drinking and singing at 9:00 am. I mean singing at the top of their lungs! We moved out of the train station and into the underground where we found we were walking with a group of 5 Scotts, mostly kilted, who were feeling no pain. We laughed at their antics, singing, laughing, screaming...This may have been really obnoxious in the US but it was hilarious here!

I got a video of them on the sly, singing Do-Ri-Me. I am sad to report that I missed the chance to video one of them who simulated humping a sheep on a poster hanging on the wall of the subway. It was priceless!

We entered Trafalgar Square and were greeted by hundreds more Scotts! It was a great introduction to London! We wandered around looking for a place to buy a hop- on-hop-off bus pass (with only 12 hours there we needed to do some speed sightseeing).

After we got our pass we hightailed to see the changing of the guard. It was packed, Wendy said she had never seen the crowd this big. I actually lost here in the crowd! She had my train tickets and I had no idea what to do! I didn't panic, Just stayed on the edge of the crowd scanning for her. Thankfully she is tall and has light blond hair. I spotted her and we met back up. Disaster averted. We watched the guard through a fence over a 4 people deep crowd. Wendy fought her way tot he front and got some good pics. She got one of a very cute guard, yowza!

The hop-on-hop-off bus was a good idea for me, I was exhausted and feeling sick to my stomach but trying to buck-up since I was in London for one day. We got to see Big Ben, Parliament, Westminster (where the lady tour guide continuously gushed about the wedding! The Wedding!!!), London Bridge, London Tower, the Ferris Wheel thing, and a lot of other stuff. We got off to eat lunch- fish and chips!

And we went in the British Museum. There was so much to see...a lot os Egyptian stuff, as you can see Brigette posing beside this feller. And Parthenon pieces. It was overwhelming.

Then we went to Camden Town. This was my favorite. Full of freaky people, crazy shops, and a market. There were so many cool things in this market! Go if you get the chance! We each got a handmade (very well made, I must say) skirt from one lady. And there is all kinds of food being cooked in the market, in a food court kinda area...the smells were divine: Indian, Mexican, Japanese, Chinese....

We left there exhausted and happy. We went back to the train station and grabbed a bite to eat and waited for our train. The train was packed and we got less comfy seats that our ride to London. I slept some.

We got back to the hotel and were reassured that everything with the room was straightened out. We fell into bed exhausted!

seats at food court were mopeds

food court

smelled so yummy!

Wonder Works

2011-04-18T06:37:00.000-07:00

We have recently acquired a Wonder Works in Myrtle Beach, it has been a fascination for the kids to watch it as it was constructed. There have been a thousand questions. Finally it was completed a few weeks ago. I really wanted to see what the admission price was and take the kids.

When B was around 2 we visited some friends in the Orlando area. They took us to a WW and we had a blast. I can't remember a lot of specifics just that there was a conveyor belt wall climbing thing that was really hard to do. Of course, B didn't remember any of that and Z said she did (she wasn't even born yet!).

After a big morning of attending the Girl Scout Jamboree we met up with my husband and went to get ice cream. After our Ben and Jerry's my husband and I secretly conferred on if we could go to WW today. I called to find out the admission price, which the voice mail kindly wouldn't tell me until after it went on and on about all the WONDERFUL things to see and do inside (come one, TELL ME THE ADMISSION FEE!). Adults were $22.99 and kids 4-12 were $14.99. A little high but we decided to go for it.

After entering the upside down monstrosity and waiting in the upside down lobby my husband inquired about a locals' discount. Yes! We got $2 off each ticket, pretty good.

Prepare for a Tangent: It really pisses me off that we live at the beach, pay taxes that build the roads and all that and there are all these things that are geared to the tourists! But a lot of these attractions won't give a local a break on an admission. Aren't we the ones bringing our family and friends to see them? Aren't we the ones the recommend things to random people we sit beside at a restaurant or the beach and strike up a conversation that begins with the tourist asking, "What do you recommend for a restaurant, attraction, etc?". Anyway, it's nice when the people lining their pockets with money consider the people who live in here. I mean, come one, right?!?

So we paid, got our wristbands and dove in. First we were met with a spinning tunnel that did WONDERS for my ice-cream filled stomach, then a smallish room with a Titanic exhibit, Google Earth and a Wind Experience. There were some games on weather, etc. We then moved on to the gravity room, don't remember exactly what it was called but gravity and force seemed to be the theme. Bella waited in a loooong line for the gravity Bicycles, I didn't want to do and neither did her Dad or sister. She was brave enough to go it alone. A grandma asked if B was riding by herself and I said yes and she asked if her grandson could ride with her (two people on the bike at once). He was about her size and Bella said sure. The rest of us wandered around the room playing keeping on eye of her slowly advancing line. Z loved the air-hockey game, I liked the strength tests, I sucked at the baseball pitch, but we had fun trying everything out. Finally B and her buddy got on a bike, got strapped in and were given instructions (I videoed the whole thing!). The deal is you are supposed to peddle to get the bike swinging and hopefully go all the way over the top of the arc. They started and very quickly the boy's face went white and he stopped peddling. B was laughing and peddling like a maniac. She made it go over the arc by herself much to the boy's terror-stricken chagrin. Everyone cheered for her.

We moved on to the next room, I won't break down every room for you but our favorites were: lying on a bed of nails, the bubbles, the big piano, the push your face or body into a thing and see the impression you made (I can't remember what this thing was called), and the ropes course.

There were lotsa things to do on each floor but our very favorite was the ropes course on the top floor. It is indoor and lit with black lights (not very dark but the neon colors glowed). We all got saddled-up as Z called it (harnessed) and waited in line for our turn. Up we went into the maze of obstacles. There were a lot of people on it and it was self-guided, so you may have to wait on a 4x4 platform with 6 other people until everyone figured out how to get across to their direction. I went with Z to help her (she is a little more timid than B). I have been afraid of heights most of my life but after the zip-line in Nicaragua I love this kinda stuff.

Josh went his own way and B was like a monkey in the jungle. She was running across the balance beams not holding on, sailing down incline, jumping from one lily-pad-step to the next. She had no fear. In fact she got pretty pissed that adult-visitors were telling her what to do and moving her harness cord around thinking she needed help! How dare they!

Finally, Josh, Z and my feet had had enough. We were hot, sweaty and tired. We told B we were going down and she said she wasn't. She played for about 10 more minutes until we saw her hanging upside down from her harness sliding down an incline (you are not supposed to slide, your feet should be on a rope, platform or beam the whole time). WTF? Josh went and told an employee to kick her off, and he led her off the course. She was very upset and didn't understand what she had done wrong. See it wasn't dangerous to her...she was completely comfortable and not fearful at all. She said she was BORED because she had to wait on the scared adults to move out of her way. We explained it to her why it was against the rules and dangerous and told her next time she would know better.

We headed out pf there happy and exhausted. We had spent 3.5 hours inside and it was well worth the admission price!

Go check them out if you are in Myrtle Beach. MY TIPS: I would say it is best for 5 years old and up. This age range would get the most enjoyment out of it. The little ones under 5 could do some things with their parents but not enough to justify a $15 admission. Also, wear closed toe shoes! About 3 of the best activities you needed close-toed shoes. WW is nice enough to provide fake-crocs for their guests who are wearing sandals or flip flops but 50 other people have had their feet in them before you. but still, this is a really great thing- providing shoes so that people who have paid an ass-load of money don't miss out! Oh and we were told it is an all day admission so you can come and go as you please!

Paris- the Journal excerpts #3

2011-04-15T08:56:00.000-07:00

Day 3- afternoon
After getting into Paris from Versailles...

Metro, lotsa people...oh, caught a conversation between two American guys. They were talking about which hostel was better, traveling Europe, bla, bla, bla. Then we get off on the same stop as them, they are behind us walking through the huge station. I hear their self-important drivel about how Americans are so lazy, they sit on the couch, how these guys love Europe where you can walk or Metro everywhere...on and on about American's and their fat asses. Then in mid sentence eschewing on the faults of their own countrymen an elevator opens it's doors and they excitedly hop on as the rest of us keep schlepping up the 7 staircases to the exit! Using my physic powers I believe the thought in their heads was, "Woo Hoo, elevators can carry our American-Jet-Setting-Back-Packing-Hiking asses up 4 floors so we won't get out of breath talking about what lazy curds Americans are!!" The irony was not lost on me.

We get off at the stop for the Marais district and run into a wall of people at the exit. We glance around them and see it is pouring outside. And guess where my raincoat is? Back at the hotel. We wait with everyone for 10 minutes or so but the rain shows no signs of letting up. Even though I have started my period (oh, I didn't mention that? Oh yes! I started my period and now have to be on the constant look out for another toilette and am cramping like you would not believe. Yay.)...what was I saying? Oh yea, I am cramping, sore from walking up 284 steps and now I am going to get soaked but we decided to make a run for it. We slink along the wall to the first awning we see. Then to the next. Then to the first open door. We pretend that of course we were coming in here to shop not just get out of the rain...Then we notice all the cool stuff. I find a green voile scarf for my Mom and an awesome multi-colored clay stone necklace for moi!

We continue hopping from store to store.

We find Paris' version of a Family Dollar with the coolest inexpensive stuff inside. As we leave Wendy asks the security guard if they sell umbrellas. He looks at us blankly. We then try to think of the french word for umbrella..nothing. We say umbrella in a french accent...nope. Then I mime an umbrella with rain falling on me. He finally shakes his head, points at the exit and we sulk away.

Stop at a cafe. I order a cafe and creme brulee. Wendy goes for safe with a cheesecake, you should of heard her and the waiter trying to figure out what they were each talking about.

Above is her cheesecake. This is about 1/4 of the size of a cheesecake serving in good ole US of A, am I right?

The creme brulee was heavenly. This coming from someone who hasn't eaten a sweet in 3 years and who once loved creme brulee. I crack the top and take my first bite. Wendy captured it on film (below), not sure how I feel about this picture of me but I love the french couple making out behind me.

Ecstasy of creme brulee

Really cool shop

Our Metro station, love the Art Nouveau

Marias by night

This is a cool district and it was hopping! Tourists and residents alike, walking, biking, scooting around. We found a lot of crazy shops (above) with costume stuff and S & M type wear. There were Pizza Hut's, McD's and KFC (the french love them some KFC) which were so incongruous with these cute boutiques and cafes.

Got back to the hotel (did we eat dinner?) and were met with the concierge, we liked to call him NateDog, who asked weren't we checking out tomorrow? Uh, no. My mind flashed back to when we checked in with a different concierge who I thought said "Sree (french accent for 3) nights?" Wendy said, "Yeah, oui." with her big smile. And I asked her about it in the tiny elevator, she said, No, the concierge said six....Back to the present, we stare at NateDog. Wendy starts smiling and going, "Uh, no, no...we check out on Wednesday." NateD doesn't give a flying french you-know-what. He says we need to talk with his associate in the morning. Well, NateDog, we are taking a train to London tomorrow morning, we can't do that...He says nonchalantly that we need to pack and have our stuff ready so they can move it in case the room is already rented (yes, it's rented to US, Jackwad!). Wendy is still smiling, she can't help but be nice, and he is already calculating what percentage of happiness it will bring him to be rid of us stupid Americans...I finally speak up, channeling my mother and Julia Baker, and say, "We are going to have a place to sleep tomorrow, right?!" Oh, yes, at least for one night, we will arrange it, he simpers. We go upstairs bitching and get our shit packed.

The Adventure continues...

CF Fighter

2011-04-13T08:42:00.000-07:00

This is my nephew. He will turn 5 years old this summer and is a Superhero. He battles a disease called Cystic Fibrosis. It is a serious, genetic condition that simply put affects his breathing and digestion. I have written about him before here and here and here is an article that was published in our local paper . Here you can watch a video where my sister demonstrates one of the physical therapies for parents and caregivers of CF patients. And another video here of his new vest, his Spacesuit, that makes his physical therapy faster and more effective.

One day there will be a cure for Cystic Fibrosis, with the research and support that the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation contributes. Each year that find better medicines and treatments. They are able to do this because of the donations that people like you and me give.

If you can spare $1 or $5 or $30 or $100 please give to this great cause. Donating online is easy and safe. Let's help Keenan fight this battle.

To donate to Keenan's Team for the Charlottesville, VA Great Strides walk go here.

Paris- the Journal excerpts #2

2011-04-12T09:20:00.000-07:00

Day 3- The Morning
Up and at 'em early. Had breakfast at our neighborhood cafe (crossaints and baguettes and a poached egg and ham thing, yum). Switched Metro lines many times to get to the train for Versailles.

Arrived, grabbed a Starbucks (ick) and walked over to the palace (so nonchalant-like).

Brigette posing in front of Versailles

My turn, Golden Gates, cool.

The gates were pretty spectacular. Wendy and I agreed it would suck to be the person who had to polish them.

Zombies invade

These tourists...I wanted to kill them all. Most of them had an audio-tour device (looks like a walkie talkie) held up to there ear and would stare open mouthed around them shuffling along JUST LIKE DAY OF THE DEAD. I don't care for crowds or being stuck in a room in a crowd. So, maybe I shouldn't have gone to Versailles or leave my house but whatever. Also, the grand opulence kinda made me sick. Every surface was covered in some form of art: sculptures, velvet patterned wallpaper, murals, hugs paintings, gold leaf, etc. It was hard to imagine living that life.

I kept trying to reconcile everything with movies I have seen about Louis XIV and Marie Antoinette...didn't help. Click here to read up on it...

We saw some lovely drinking chocolate in glass jars and beautiful candies and macaroons in the gift shop.I got an XL Versailles shirt that might fit a newborn, Wendy chalked it up to everything being made in Thailand where they are the size of a thimble.

The gardens and grounds were much better. I could breathe. We walked around, Wendy took lotsa photos. I stayed on a bench while she walked 18 miles down the green to get photos of a fountain. In my shaded spot I was able to eavesdrop on a french woman and two girls conversation. Mind you I couldn't understand most of it but when another family walked by who were obviously American the french girls said in this weird nasal-pseudo-American accent "AhmeriKahn Gurls...Muhahahahaaaa". Nice.

Soon Wendy returned and we ate at the outdoor restaurant. It kinda sucked. The tables are so close together and everyone is smoking. I ordered a cheeseburger (I don't know why, nothing was really appealing to me. Wendy order a steak. The cheeseburger sucked, they had tried to Americanize it with a dry, stale bun and bright yellow Americanish cheese and a dry patty o' meat. Weird.

We headed back to the station after that and got on a crowded train back to Paris.

The Adventure continues....
Versailles

Paris- the Journal excerpts #1

2011-04-10T14:32:00.000-07:00

Day One
Just got off the plane, after an all night flight. I have slept maybe 4 hours and feel terrible. Advil is my best friend. And I desperately need coffee.

Arrive by taxi at our hotel, a black and white dogs runs out of the hotel entrance and up to the cab...Must be the host. The hotel lobby is cute and tiny, everything miniaturized. This cannot be more true in the elevator- only two people can fit, I can see that Wendy and I will be face-to-face a lot. The room is lovely, the view nice. I'm here!

We get started. So hungry, confused, overwhelmed, exhausted and thinking this was a mistake. Wendy assures me it is just the jet lag. How can that be?

Cafe. Order a jambon panini, I think. Yes, it is. It's okay, at least I have some food to fuel my body now.

Off the metro, walking towards the Eiffel Tower. First con-man spotted, he picked up something on the sidewalk in front of me and asked if it was mine, I kept walking ignoring him...It's an old con. Building covered in moss and plants, so cool. A couple who get Wendy to take their photo- the boy is prettier than the girl.

Eiffel tower, it's a little underwhelming when you are fighting off these vendors and feel like crap. We wait forever to get in the elevator up. Views from top are pretty. Wait for hours to get down. A lot of body odor. Damn, I feel like shit.

After the Eiffel we walk and look around. Ride the metro. Have dinner near the hotel. It's delicious: warm goat cheese slices on a bed of greens with walnuts and a light dressing. French onion soup (which I guess is just onion soup here, as Wendy pointed out). Back to hotel before dark, thank God for a good shower. Goodnight at 9:00 pm.

Day Two

Woke at 6:00 am here, feel like a human being. It is amazing how unbelievably bad jet lag makes me feel.

Breakfast: a chocolate croissant "pain au chocolat"...coffee is not sold with pastries here, you have to get it at a cafe.

The weather is gorgeous, so much nicer than we could have hoped for. I don't think I will even need my trench coat.

The metro is an experience in itself. Smell of urine, hot then cold, people crammed into the cars. Buskers singing or politely yelling for money. Thank God for Wendy, she is in charge of navigation. I just follow her around and bitch at her when I am tired of walking or climbing.

Today is Louvre. Stop for our first cafe creme at a cafe near the Louvre. It is okay. The building and streets are glowing in the early morning light. Into the Louvre. There is so much to see and so little time....I adore the breastfeeding art! The Mona Lisa is small and you can't get closer than 8 feet to her. Lotsa walking. Wearing a skirt without tights was a bad idea.

Metro back to the hotel for a quick wardrobe fix. See macaroon shop across form the hotel. It is so beautiful. Taste my first candy in 3 years. Holy shit. I will be taking some of these home to my family. I want to take it all home and share it with them. Back to Metro, stop at Madeline, time for what I have been so looking forward to...Montmarte! The land of Amelie.

So many shops to look in: found a cute dishtowel (I love souvenirs that are practical, that I can use everyday and remember where I have been), chocolate soap, music boxes. We eat lunch at Bella Italia. See a Parisian women in a pink beret, it's like seeing Bigfoot!

Sacre Cour. Gorgeous white church on a blue velvet sky backdrop. Crowds, street performers. We wander around behind and up and down streets. We find Van Gogh's house! The blue door. Children are getting out of school, their sounds remind me of my girls. I miss them. The french after school snack: chocolate chip baguette. oh my girls would be so jealous! Wendy stops to pet every dingy dog or cat she sees. Montmarte is the quintessential Paris neighborhood, it's what I had pictured in my mind that Paris would look like.

Bought some macaroons, shared with Wendy. Later realized that macaroons and I don't get along. Feels like I swallowed a rock and it's lodged in my throat. Carry on. We arrive at the square where artists sell there work. I buy three little paintings of Paris from three different artists. Walking, walking. We find Moulin Rouge, no Ewan McGregor though. Hop on the Metro to Arc de Triomphe.

Do you know how many steps it is to the top? 284. In a tiny winding staircase, I got dizzy and my legs were SCREAMING. Wendy and I huffed and puffed our way to the top. She took three photos and the camera stopped working. WTF!?

She asked three people with big ass cameras like hers' first if they spoke English and secondly if they could fix it. It was her husband's so she was familiar with all the buttons. Finally an Asian guy with the same camera got it working. We got our shots all the while I am thinking about walking back down, "Oh it won't be so bad going down" Wendy says.

I felt like crying by the end. My knee actually started squeaking.

We stumble over to Champs Elysees. It is hopping. Lotsa richy stores. Found a Swatch store, made me nostalgic for my swatch from 1986. Wendy whips out her iPad to find our metro station, a nice french guy tells us her iPad map is wrong. He whips out his iPhone to show her the better app. He walks up to the station, I am ready to die I am so tired.

We get off near the Trocador. We take lotsa night shots and karate kick obnoxious vendors away like something out of a Bruce lee movie. We find a place to eat with outside seating. Everywhere we go everyone is smoking. Wendy and I both hate smoke. By the end of this trip we might as well buy a carton of cigs with all the second hand smoke we are toking on.

Dinner is so yummy: salmon with basmati rice and Peirre. Metro back to hotel, I think, I am too tired to remember. Showers, phone calls home, collapse into our double bed. Last thought, Don't touch me (I kid, but not really).

What My Kids Can Teach Yours

2011-04-05T04:31:00.000-07:00

I have had several parents thank me after having their kids over to play for the things my kids taught theirs...So if your kids need a lesson in one of these subjects, come on over!

A high-pitched tongue rolling noise that B does to call the dogs. My niece stayed with us one weekend and my sister called to thank me later for that little jewel.

"That's not fair!" A favorite saying in our house. My friend Heather called to thank me after her 4 year old said it about EVERYTHING after playing with my girls.

B in a tree, pouting and mad at us

Tree Climbing. My girls, mostly B, do this all the time and go very high. I called my other sister to see how my niece was recovering after falling out of our tree climbing with B. She actually didn't thank me for that.

How to Throw a Fit in Public. Actually no one has thanked me for this skill either, but my girls are pro's. I could teach some parents how to remain calm and unfazed.

How to Eat Artichokes. B loves them, mostly cause they're dipped in butter. Weird veggies, check.

All About Breastfeeding. Whether or not your kid knew before they met mine, they will after. My kids were both breastfed and have been to countless La Leche League Meetings as I led them. They know all about it. Most kids look horrified as they explain how milk comes out of breasts and how baby's need to breastfeed.

Yes, those are sand boobs.

How Babies are Born. My kids knew some of the basic info, no cabbage patch or stork stories here. But after watching The Baby Story and then watching their dog give birth they have no doubts about where the baby comes out and the eeew and goo that go with it.

How a Punishment Works. Sometimes my kids act up and I have a coupla options: take something away, put them in time out or in the corner. That may mean not eating birthday cake at a birthday party because they went nuts in the car on our way there. That may mean putting their nose on a tree as we are leaving their grandmother's house because they were screaming in the car. That may mean no tv for a month because of escalating rule-breaking and disrespect. No kid has thanked me after witnessing this but it has steeled a few parents who weren't sure how to handle a problem with their own brood. (This is not bragging, I have my days of feeling completely useless and overrun as a parent...like this morning.)

Z pretending to be asleep in the corner

These lessons are free of charge, too!

What have your kids taught other kids? Bring on the best and worst, I need a good laugh!

Paris Revisited (a little)

2011-04-04T14:40:00.000-07:00

I am waiting on the rest of my photos and then I plan to post plenty about my travels. Here is a quick little nibble....

Jet lag kicked my ass, it isn't even funny how bad I felt and how confused I was that first day.
We saw the Eiffel Tower on the first day, it was very cool and there was a long wait going up and coming down. And it is glorious at night from the Trocadaro (spelling?).
The Hotel de Champs du Mars was excellent.
Chocolate croissants (pain au chocolat) are divine.
Escargot is overrated, probably like oysters.
Montmarte by day is wonderful.
The Louvre is overwhelming but it has so much breastfeeding art (among over things).
Versailles is sickeningly opulent.
The fast train to London made my ears pop worse than any airplane.
I can only hope when you go to London you are also greeted by a Trafalgar Square full of drunken Scotts in kilts.
Arc de Triomphe is 284 steps I will never forget...284. 284, I wish I could capitalize numbers to make you understand. It hurt going up and coming down. And for many days after.
The Catacombs are so cool. Loved it. Go see it and don't be a chicken like the girl who threw her camera when a drop of water fell on her back because she thought a skeleton was grabbing her.
Marais neighborhood has the best shops and the best creme brulee.
For some unexplainable reason I didn't try any cheese, crepes, madelines and so much more that I am now realizing.
We had a blast and we were exhausted to the point of feeling sick at the end of each day. Which Wendy said proved we were having a good time (or at least seeing a lot).

More to come, I promise. I have some funny stories to tell and great photos to share that Wendy (and sometimes me) took on her awesome camera.

I'm Back

2011-04-01T04:02:00.000-07:00

Got in yesterday afternoon. Hugged and kissed my family all afternoon and evening. Trying to re-acclimate to being a mommy...laundry, cleaning, getting kids for bed and up for school.

Missed my girls terribly but it was nice to not be responsible for bills and groceries for 10 days.

We had a blast. Photos and details will follow soon.

Je vais m'envoler

2011-03-20T16:07:00.000-07:00

image from here

So few hours until I fly to Paris. My first visit. Words fail me, I am beyond excited.
I will post lots of photos when I get back!

Au revoir

Let Go of Me Lucky Charms!

2011-03-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

by Selannia at Photobucket

When B was three years old and St. Patty's Day rolled around I decided to make it magical for her. B and I made a leprechaun trap out of a shoebox covered with tissue paper. We set it up on the dining table with some shiny things to lure the leprechaun in. We, and by we I mean she, went to bed knowing that we had built a unbeatable trap and we would get the leprechaun and he would have to give us his gold! What she didn't know was I secretly had gotten green shamrock confetti and gold chocolate coins

After she had finally gone to sleep, which took forever because she was a turd about going to sleep ONLY beside me and woke up every time I moved to ease out of bed, I got up and started throwing confetti around like a drunken-fairy, knocking over the dining chairs, sprinkling coins and mischief all over our dining room.
In the morning as we woke together, I had to remind her that it was St. Patrick’s Day and that we might have a leprechaun in our trap. She scrambled out of that bed so fast running into the dining room and staring in amazed confusion! I explained everything as she explored the mess as if it was news to me,

"Look, we didn't catch him but he was very mischievous knocking over these chairs."
"Oh, he left us fake gold that is actually chocolate to reward the cleverness of our trap."
"We must have scared him because he pooped out all these shamrocks!" Hahaa, leprechauns pooping out glittery shamrocks- I’m so funny sometimes!

What I didn't realize is that all the mess I made would be cleaned up by someone. Who? Oh, you know who. Moi. And I also didn't think about all the years I would have to play the little green imp. I didn’t think about all the years that I would forget about St. Patrick’s Day until the girls started wandering around the house 10 minutes before bedtime on a school night to find supplies to make their trap when I didn't have ANY Leprechaun loot to toss around (like last night). But what could I, can I, do at this point? Crush their magical beliefs?

I have always tried to make things magical for my girls, there seems to be so little imagination left in the world with television and electronic talking books and video games. When B was tiny and she saw a dust mote floating through a sunbeam I told her it was a fairy. There, done, I made a fairy come to life just like that. She then saw fairies all around us. We honored those fairies in so many ways, always speaking in hushed tones of reverence to them. We left little treats out, made them miniscule fairy houses out of paper. Then one day, they stopped believing. It wasn’t dramatic or anything, I pointed out a fairy/dust mote and one of my girls said, “No, that’s just some dust or something.” The end.

My 10 year old and 7 year old still believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, Leprechauns. I have yet to find a trace of doubt in their minds. We even talk about how the other kids say their parents play Santa, but my girls don’t believe it. Their world is still covered in sparkling magic, things unseen but evident in toys, a sooty footprints, and candy.

When I realized this year that I didn’t have a damn thing for the leprechaun to leave I seriously considered saying, “Look girls, there aren’t any leprechauns. That was me all these years.” But how could I do that?
After bedtime, even though it was late, Hubby and I went out to find leprechaun loot. Of course, at that late date there were no gold chocolate coins or confetti to be found. So we got green apple tic tacs, green drip pops, greenish Crabby Patty gummy sticks, a pot-of-gold pin, some green jelly bracelets. I manipulated their traps to look sprung and sprinkled the goodies around. I saw B had left the shiniest pennies she could find to lure the leprechaun in to her trap, I took those.

This morning, I woke the girls up and got in the shower. I could hear them running through the house. I knew they were looking at their separate traps and finding their goodies. As I dried off, I heard my bedroom door open, pitter-patting little feet and then they cracked the bathroom door as I stood there sans clothes and stuck their candy in the crack. “Look what he left us!” Z said. “He got new stuff this year,” B exclaimed. I was wondering if she would notice the inconsistency of the leprechaun goods each year and question the legitimacy of the whole thing. But she just thought he brought them something different this year. They excitedly showed their still sleeping dad and put on all their wearable goodies, I stopped them before they could eat their candy.

I know there are parents who think it is wrong to “lie” to their kids by telling them about Santa and perpetuating the myth. I don’t lie to my kids about many things, I try to be candid with my answer to their questions about life, bodies, etc.. And as a parent, I don’t always do things right and rarely do them like anyone else would. But as many things as I feel I fail at miserably as a mom I know that giving them this bit of magic to carry with them through the harsh realities of life is at least one good thing I have done.

Love Links

2011-03-10T17:12:00.000-08:00

Blossom is Awesome! I really love this lady. Whoa.

These are too Adorable. I heart owls so much.

I'm Going, That's All There is to It! Love this blog, it has helped me prepare for mon voyage du Paris (think I made my own version of French there) (Bonus points if you know what movie that quote in the link is from).

The Oatmeal is genius. Never fails to make me laugh. I must order this poster to hang above my crazy-expensive ink-eating printer..

One of my favorite time wasters.

I wish I was part of this family so I could move to France.

One of my favorite blogs: Hello Owl, a mom with three girls, she does laundry, cooks, shops, changes diapers but it's all so exotic with Australia as the backdrop.

What are you faves?

Ironing Monkey

2011-03-07T06:20:00.001-08:00

Thanks to Real Simple mag for keeping it real. They have brought us a feature on irons, giving you the ins and outs on what iron is best.

Listen, I don't love many things enough to spend $140 on them. I sure as hell am not going pay even $40 for the privledge to smooth out some wrinkles.

And you can bet your sweet ass I am not going to pay $140 for a weapon of domestic torture unless it comes with a prepackagef chimp that does the damn ironing for me!

Sidenote: I am in the middle of a glucose test in a waiting room after fasting all night and not having a sip of coffee this morning. I may be taking this iron-thing a little too far. My apologies real simple and the elite-pressed of America.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Captcha

2011-03-05T14:05:00.000-08:00

I really, really hate captchas.

Unless you are taking my credit card or other personal info and want to make sure I am not some computer please, please don't make me enter sQuidlyfunBra1n6 or Fart1nisL0^3.

After blogging for 4 years, I have never had a spam comment. In fact, since I moderate and approve my comments before publishing I don't have to worry about "GET BIG NOW", "HOT HOT HOT LADIES IN YOUR AREA" "UNSIGHTLY HAIR- NO WORRIES WITH HAIRBGONE!!!"

So I beg of you, unless your website or blog is keeping some top secret information, please don't make us enter a Captcha just to leave a comment.

Merci!

Rip It Off and It Still Sucks

2011-03-04T09:47:00.000-08:00

I have an obsession today and it's called J Lo's new song. After watching the video premier last night on Idol, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I have hated "On the Floor" since I first heard it on the radio, so much that I would usually quickly switch the channel (almost as quickly as when I hear Rush). But I had to suffer through it so I could see the loooong drawn out results and if Kendra was in the top 12!

So back to the song. It's sucks! And Jenny used to be so good. I think it's Marc Anthony, he is sucking the life out of her. Here is why I hate it...

Firstly, she must have had one of her toddler's write it for her because the lyrics consist mostly of her saying "floor" and action you do on the "floor" (get ont he floor, sweat on the floor, move on the floor, mop the damn floor). My kids and I do this too, ie: B likes to hop, B likes to shop, B likes to flop...It's cute but it does not make a radio worthy song.

Secondly, the other half of the lyrics is the always-original Pit Bull singing about Donks, and Tonks, and Tonka Trucks. I lost the last shreds of respect for this man after seeing him on a silly MTV game show were he danced like my grandpa in a white suit and orange polyester shirt. And he was completely serious about this dance and look. "That badonka donk is like a trunk full of bass on an old school Chevy 7 trail donka truck ." Stay classy PB.

Lastly, I thought out of the whole song the hook was okay...the Ba da ba da bababaaaa melody was nice and catchy. Too catchy once I realized that it was from some movie. 12 hours later I realized it was from a movie I loved as a teenager about a Brazilian princess who comes to America, gets hired as a maid, falls for the rich son of her employer (whod is quite the racist/elitist) and they enter a dance contest where she woos the crowd with her hip shaking and grinding. Her hulking, Shaman, protector Captain Spaulding comes to rescue from America her with his magic voodoo powder and falls for a Latina lady (that I can't remember how she fit in) and they make sweet, creepy love after dancing. I KNOW, right?!

So how did I find out the name of said movie? I couldn't remember any of the actors names but I thought the actor who played Mr. Shaman was the same guy who played Capt Spaulding in 1,000 Corpses. Thanks to imdb I found out it was and the movie was The Forbidden Dance that started the Lambada craze on the 1990'2.

So...after I watched the video of the Lambada song by Koama...Ba da ba da bababaaaa..nice melody (like I said) and had solved the mysetery! Yea Me!!

Now, I am not Latin and I have never Lambadaed, so maybe that is a pretty common melody/rhythym/whatever...But me thinks J Lo caught a little rerun of TFD movie a few months back after playing the "floor" game with her kids and Bada Bing- she thinks she's got a hit song!

Okay, I am going to go lie down and try to foget how much time I have devoted to this.

Homemade Pasta

2011-03-03T06:26:00.000-08:00

Recently while looking for dinner ideas I was inspired by Dinner A Love Story, which I check often for such ideas. I loved the look of her Butternut Squash Pappardelle.

After looking all over town for packaged pappardelle (a fat noodle) I realized I would have to make my own if I wanted to have this particular dinner. Now, I have made pasta ONCE when I was 8 years younger and didn't have a foot issue. At that time, I could stand and roll and roll all the live long day without my foot begging me to please sit down. But these days...just geting to the bathroom is a hobbling trek and making pasta- that's like climbing Mt. Everest.

Here's what the foot and I accomplished (I didn't use my foot to make this, it was only there to support me). First I peeled, cleaned and cubed a butternut squash. Tossed it in olive oil, salt pepper and oregano. Lining the pan with foil kept me in good standing with my MIL (mother-in-law) who cleans up after I cook.

Next I mixed the pasta dough, don't remember where I got the recipe...Google kindly helped me find one, if you asked nicely it would probably do the same for you. I mixed the dough in the food processor then kneaded by hand, let it rest and rolled it out. Rolling it out takes a long time and uses a lot of muscles: arms, hands, shoulders, back, abs, glutes....We both got our gluten stretched this day (ba-da boom).

Next I draped it to let it dry slightly before cutting it.

Pappardelle is supposedly 3/4 inch wide, mine were too wide (didn't use a ruler) and next time I would cut them at 1/2 inch width. Here they are sunning themselves...

In the meantime, the butternut squash has gotten nice and roasty. My only change to DALS recipe: I added two cloves of garlic to the roast pan and I didn't have fresh thyme. Oh, and for the sake of having a green vegetable, I added in frozen sweet peas to the colander then poured the pasta and water over to cook slightly. This is my secret to a lot of pasta dishes, the kids will eat them and there is no effort!

I had cooked 6 Italian Sausage links earlier and warmed those up right before serving. Sausage and Pasta is one of my favorite combinations. I blame it on the delicious and cheap meals at La La Lucci's in Charleston, circa 1995, pick your pasta, pick your sauce, pick your toppings for like 7 bucks (fettuccine Alfredo with sausage and mushrooms was heaven!).

Here is the final result: fat noodles tossed with butter and lotsa Parmesan, the roasted squash and sweet peas and sausages!

Next time: I will have fresh thyme and make my noodles with more egg yolks to get that buttery yellow color. Also, I will be asking for a pasta roller attachment for the ole Kitchen Aid to keep me from getting Popeye forearms!

Three Words

2011-02-25T04:51:00.000-08:00

Dad the Boxer (this is after my mom gave him a For What! No, he had surgery to repair his eyes)

Didn't Learn Lesson (anonymous guy at rink with TWO casts)

Peter Pan Junkies

Best $10 Purchase (jumped out of a van in NYC on the way to airport to get that scarf!)

Coffee n Pie (my new polymer clay creations)

B's New Home (this kid would live in her new treehouse if she could)

Why I'm Crazy (but entertained, too)

Share your own Three Word post and send me the link!

Coq au Vin

2011-02-24T09:10:00.000-08:00

I have heard of this recipe but never tried it. Fanfare and fanciness are not a big part of my cooking. And while I use recipes, they are rarely followed twice.

Coq au Vin (french for Chicken in Wine, pronounce kinda like "coo-coa vaun") was a medium on the time and labor intensity. Also, I don't drink and had to ask my MIL to pick up some red wine for the dish. She chose Fat Bastard red wine, which has a great label.

4 slices of bacon
Whole Chicken- cut into pieces or 4 chick breasts- remove skin
3 TB parsley- fresh, rinsed, dried and chopped
5 cloves of Shallots- sliced thinly
1 small container of mushrooms- recipe called for Crimini- I used Mini Bellas
2 cloves of garlic- pressed
1 1/2 c chicken broth
1 1/2 c red wine
4 tsps flour
salt and pepper

Preheat oven. Add bacon to a skillet, fry til crisp. Remove to plate lined with paper towel. Season chicken with salt and pepper and half or parsley. Add to pan of hot grease. Cook 6 minutes on each side. Remove to baking dish and place in oven to finish cooking.

Add chopped mushrooms and shallots to hot bacon/chicken juice skillet. Saute until just tender. Add pressed garlic to pan, toss for 10 seconds. Add wine and 1 1/4 cups of chicken broth and 1 TB parsley. Bring to a boil. Reduce.

Meanwhile, place flour in a small bowl, add the rest of broth and stir to incorporate and remove lumps. Set aside. Roughly chop bacon. Check that chicken is cooked through.

Add flour mix to reduced sauce. Let thicken for 3-4 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Arrange chicken on a platter and add sauce (or be lazy and add sauce to chicken in baking dish). Serve.

Really a very rich, dark sauce. My husband gave it a rating of one of my top five dishes to date. Served with Creamy lemon, herb rice (recipe to come), sauteed asparagus and sourdough bread and brie.

Right after I made this (and my husband gobbled it up) we saw Alton Brown making his version. It was cool to hear the history and science behind this dish. Of course, watching him made me realize I didn't use the "Cock" in Coq-au-Vin (used a lame ol' hen) or the special pork or the overnight thing but what the hell I am a "stupides d'Amérique".

Toenails

2011-02-22T06:25:00.000-08:00

In this day and age, why do people still have ugly toenails. Why?

I understand if you have some sort of medical condition and are actively seeking medical intervention. But for the love of all that's Holy, keep those puppies covered up until a cure can be found.

And the long-ass toenails...WTF? Clippers cost less than a pack of cigarettes and are really simple to use. And that pointy thing on the clippers...that is for CLEANING OUT under finger and toe nails. Get it? You don't have to have black, brown, gray cheese under there. It is quite easy to remedy.

And why are people with long, yellow, flaky toenails wearing flip flops and sandals? Are they proud?

Lastly, if your toenails look like something the Abominable Snowman has used to dig through a rotting carcass, please, please don't get in the lazy river on an innertube with your legs extended placing your claws in reach of everyone else's delicate, mostly naked flesh. Or more to the point, in reach of my face as we turn the corner and they are inches from my eyeball. Please.

Coconut Chicken

2011-02-20T05:18:00.000-08:00

This chicken will make you want to slap your momma! I wanted to do shrimp but even though I live in at the beach in an area known for it plethora of shrimp, fish, oysters and the like it is nearly impossible to find any without driving 20 minutes away. And I didn't have the time or energy for that. So chicken it was.

Coconut Chicken
4 Chicken Breast-I cut up four chicken breasts into large bites
1.5 c Planko Bread Crumbs
1 c Coconut- shredded and sweetened (I keep a bag in my freezer at all times)
1.5 c Coconut milk (from the can)
1 egg- beaten
2 cups flour

Vegetable oil for frying

Pour oil into a skillet or high sided pan, you want it at least half as deep as your chicken pieces. Turn heat on med/high.

Mound flour on one paper plate, set aside. Add coconut milk to beaten egg and mix, set aside. Pour planko and coconut on another paper plate and combine with fingers. Line up these three starting with flour, then egg mix, then planko mix then a paper towel or piece of wax paper.

Preheat oven at it's lowest temperature. Prepare a high sided cookie sheet by laying foil in the bottom and then a wire cooling rack in it.

Roll chicken pieces in flour, dredge in egg mix, and roll in planko mix and place on paper towel/wax paper. When oil is ready (my trick, take a pinch of flour dip fingers in wet mix and drop in oil. If it bubbles quickly it is ready.) lay pieces of chicken in skillet but don't crowd. Fry until golden and flip. remove from oil onto your cookie sheet/rack thing and set the whole thing in the oven to keep warm.

Continue frying chicken pieces and adding to your warming pan.

I served these with pasta and Spicy Broccoli. The kids could not get enough!! I would love to hear how yours turn out!

Next up: Moroccan Shrimp!

Zombies and Coconut

2011-02-18T07:21:00.000-08:00

Each Thursday after I get off work and stop by the bank and pick up the wild children we go to the grocery store. I get paid on Thursday so by Wednesday night the cupboard is pretty bare. For example, my husband picked up take-out wings for Wednesday night dinner and we ate them all up so my packed lunch for Thursday consisted of about 1.5 oz of Braunschweiger, 10 Ritz crackers, 2 cups of soggy potatoes home fry style (I only choked down about half) and an apple. Yea, it kinda sucked (although the Braunschweiger with a dot of mayo on the crackers was quite tasty).

Did I mention that I am also wearing a boot on my right foot because my plantar fasciitis is flaring up again. The boot helps keep pressure off the bottom of my foot and also forces my toes up slightly giving a nice stretch through the day. But I digress.

I picked up the wild animals from school and we headed to Target. As we were walking in I realized that I had forgotten to put my boot on (I can’t drive with it on) half way across the parking lot. I said, Screw It, in my head and carried on. It felt okay through the short trip through the store. We went back to the car, planning to drive three stores over to get a few more things. I had a brilliant idea (do you hear that sarcasm?) to put the boot on and walk over there. Exercise, kids, that’s what we’ll get!

Boot on, monkeys in tow we walk about 2 city blocks over to the art supply store. We get to the back of said store and as I am staring at the clay selection I start feeling lightheaded and dizzy (remember that crappy, tiny lunch I ate and the Toyota strapped to my leg?). I mention how I feel to my girls, the oldest shows loving concern the youngest continues to run in circles knocking everything off the shelves around us. I continue trying to pick out my supplies in muddled confusion. I am determined if nothing else!

By the time we check out amidst the Cadbury Eggs and Easter Candy (cause you know Easter is like 50 days away or something. In other words, really, really close). The kids start whining they are hungry. I am not hungry but feeling weaker by the moment so I say we will go next door to the dollar store and get snacks.

I ask the helpful, almost-10 year old B to carry the bag as we open the door onto the HOTTEST GOB-SMACKING STORE IN THE UNIVERSE! Do you know how hard it is to pick out cheap snacks when you are lightheaded and weak and over-heated with two Tasmanian devils running amuck? It’s really, really hard (That’s what she said! Zing!). So Z picks out a generic onion ring snack, I get some potato skin thingies, and B gets French fry sticks. We stumble out of the store. I am in a complete daze. The car is like 16 miles away at this point, I am mildly sweaty and trying to choke down this nasty snack to give me some strength. Z, the youngest, says she doesn’t like hers’ so we toss it. She helps me eat mine as we shuffle along. B is getting more concerned about my state of health and asks if I want to walk slower. By now I am speaking in zombie-eeze, “Gah! Glech!”, and dragging my foot like the undead, too.

I am seriously considering asking the many old people I see pulling up the endless curb in their Cadillacs if they will give us a ride to my van...But we just keep going.

FINALLY I see the van, it is glowing and actually making that singing-angels sound. I fall into the open door and begin gulping water and unstrapping the damn boot. The girls are chattering and gobbling up snacks unawares of my condition.

At this point my phone beeps and I am hoping it is my husband texting me so I can whine about how bad I feel. I pull the phone out as I try to remember how to spell “HELP” and look at it. An unknown number has texted “Hi!”. I text, “Who dis is?” thinking it will be my niece. “This is C***n”...Oh. I hold the phone towards the back seat and say, “It’s for you, Z.” Her little friend from school is texting her.

Perfect. My 7 year old is texting her boy-friend. Isn’t this supposed to start in about 4-5 years?

Epilogue: We stopped at the grocery store AFTER all that and got a handful of groceries to make dinner (it was either that or eat dog food). And DAMN was it a good dinner. Once I recovered with a cup of Cashua Coffee and some rest, I sent the kids out to run laps around the neighborhood. Then I got busy making the most ri-donkey-licious Coconut Chicken Bites in the whole world!!! I am not kidding you!!! You are going to die when you try these...Recipe to follow soon...

Where's my cable?

2011-02-16T06:37:00.000-08:00

This is NOT work safe. Or KID safe. Or if your parents are reading this over your shoulder, NOT good.
But I learned a whole lot of new combination of cuss words, thanks to this possibly drunk Canadian. I will implement them on my next call to customer service. And I will now pronounce bastards with a Canadian accent.

The end is priceless...

Beiber

2011-02-14T13:24:00.000-08:00

I didn't get eh whole Beiber/Usher/Little Will Smith bit from the Grammys. The serious, "You're going to sing for me now" scripted dialogue was uber-cheesy.

Beiber singing "Baby, Baby, Baby, Oh" in his semi-man voice made me realize again how stupid that song is (again). And then the flying ninja-drummers that he was dodging/dancing around where from someones cracked out dream.

The dancing= medicore, the singing= bad, the little rapper cute but lame, Will and Jada reveling in the attention=weird, and then Usher...Usher sounded horrible. Who put this thing together?

It was all more on the MTV level than the Grammys. But what do I know?

Inspired

2011-02-12T07:35:00.000-08:00

I love looking at The Sartorialist blog...I go there for inspiration...I searched it before heading to New York and as I plan my trip for Paris. I don't always agree with the beauty or trend he captures but I love that he is out there finding moments and details in time.

Beautiful 7 minute documentary about him....

Savory Crepes

2011-02-11T10:12:00.000-08:00

Have you ever made crepes? It's pretty easy actually, no more difficult than pancakes...Well, if you have a crepe pan, it's easy. A crepe pan looks like a pan that was made upside down and got through Inspector 32's watch on the conveyor belt because she was passed out on Ambien. It looks really messed up. But looks aside with a crepe pan and shallow dish of batter making these delish treats is very simple.

Crepe Batter
2 eggs
3/4 c milk
1/2 c water
1 c flour
3 TB melted butter

Throw these ingredients into a blender, blend for 30 seconds orf so. Refrigerate for an hour. This helps get rid of the bubbles and make your crepe less fragile.

Pour chilled batter in a shallow casserole dish (round). Heat your crepe pan. I spray with a cooking spray, it takes very little and I don't spray it every time.

Wait....maybe before you start cooking your crepes you should consider what you will fill them with. Since I don't eat sugar and these were for dinner I went with Crab, Mushroom and Cheese. I didn't use this recipe exactly, I used butter, claw meat, mushrooms, garlic, sweet peas, a little cream after sauteing and a Buttersweger (or something German like that) cheese I found at Bi-Lo for $2.87 (it was so yummy!).

So. Heat your crepe pan for a minute on the burner. Spray it (if needed) flip and drop into your batter (see photo below) and immediately pickup-and-flip and place back on the burner. The flip should take a second or two. Do not hold the pan in the batter or you will immediately cook and slough off your crepe and then have to dig it out of the batter.

Cook the crepe (see photo below- this one isn't ready yet) until slightly golden if you lift the edge. Lossen the edges as it cooks and when ready slide off the pan onto your plate, into your mouth or whatever*. You do not turn the crepe over to cook the other side! Bon Dieu, never!! You only cook one side.

*Layer warm crepes between wax paper in a warm oven until everyone is ready to fill and eat the crepes.

Fill the warm crepe with your ingredients. Now, you can either fold one side in and then the other, leaving the ends open. Fold the bottom up a little, top down and sides in so there is no opening. Or you can fold in half and in half again creating a triangle. This shape is good for a sweet crepe filling or for small kids to eat with a little powdered sugar.

B getting her crepe ready. Crab and Mushroom filling.

My crepes with asparagus on the side. Honey's crepes with asparagus in them (she folded them like this so you could see the inside)

I saved a few for the girls to add chocolate and powdered sugar or jelly and powdered sugar to for dessert. But those were eaten so fast I didn't have time for a photo!

Maybe Not

2011-02-10T05:22:00.001-08:00

Pizza Guy: That'll be $24.35.
(I hand him my LARGE bill, which is ALL I have.)
Pizza Guy: Uh, I don't have change for that.
Me: Well, I guess I'm not having pizza (begin to close the door).
Pizza Guy: Wait, wait, I DO have change.

Yea, don't mess with me on Wednesdays.

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Paris, Je T'aime

2011-02-08T07:36:00.000-08:00

In a little over a month I will be realizing a dream I have had for over 20 years.

I will be traveling to Paris, France for the first time. Paris. PARIS! Words cannot express my joy and excitement!

Thanks to my best friend, Wendy over at SpookyTimeJingles and MyBrainChild, who said, "You and I should go to Paris one day!". Because you see, I am not much of a planner or a realizer of dreams. I am more a-go-with-the-flow-of-life-and-kids-and-work-and-live-in-the-clouds-but-never-figure-out-how-to-make-something-happen kinda person. Luckily I have a sweet husband who planned the trip and took me to see Leonard Cohen in Boston. And a sister who planned the trip that got me to go to NYC with my sisters and mom and aunt. And the best-kind-of-friend who has planned the trip, booked the plane and hotel tickets and made our agenda for non-stop fun and adventure in the most beautiful city in the world.

Bonus: She and I love the same kinda stuff (except she thinks Finn is cute and I think Puck is cute) so I know there won't be any of that, "Oh geez, she wants to see the complete works of John Smith retrospective and I want to see the Mime Convention in the park"...Examples of our like-mindedness: We went to art school together, lived in Charleston together (and loved all the fun we had there), we both love cats and chocolate, Pride and Prejudice, Halloween, writing letters, romance-drenched movies and books, shoes...

The reason this is such a monumental trip for me is that I have had three trips planned for Paris in the last 20 years. In high school, my french teacher offered the students a chance to go to France. We would live with host families for a week, we would be immersed in the French culture and our french would improve or we might starve (how do you tell a French family that you don't eat meat, or are allergic to cheese if you are trying to flip through a phrase book?). That trip, after my deposit was paid and passport had arrived, was canceled due to the fact that the Gulf War broke out (damn, war!). Our school, and most of America, thought it would be too dangerous to travel abroad.

A similar trip was offered up again a year or two later by the Frnech department, I started making plans to go again and for some reason I can't remember, I couldn't go. Wah!

Then my husband and I planned to go to Paris for New Years Eve 1999 (you know, when the world was going to end). We began saving, looking into hotel and air fares...then a business oppurtunity came up and we spent our savings on a kiln and bisque.

So come HELL OR HIGH WATER I am going this time. For 7 full days, with my BFF. I am relearning French thanks to a Michel Thomas language iPod app. I can say "will you..." and "faster" and "dinner reservation" and "how much is this?" now in the language of love.

Goals: to eat escargot, to order cafe creme every morning, to NOT wear big, white sneakers announcing my American status, have the cliche photo taken of me under the Eiffel Tower, maybe one holding an umbrella on a Parisian street and follow Amelie's footsteps around Montmarte.

Did I mention I won't have to do any fourth grade homework, cook dinner, wash the dogs' ears, mop any floors, do laundry or work as a secretary for 10 whole days (flying takes up 3 days)? It is like two dreams in one!!!

So let me apologize in advance for how obnoxious I will be as this trip gets closer and closer....I can't help it (and don't want to). In fact, my first Facebook post when we touch down at Charles De Gaulle will be "I'm in Paris, and you are not!!!!"

Now it's your turn: Je voudrais savoir ou quelque chose pas de vous....

In My Head

2011-02-07T06:11:00.000-08:00

You know how sometimes a song will get stuck in your head? Yeah, well this one (just the chorus) has been in my head for 3 days...It was kinda fun when we were at the indoor waterpark swimming with the kids but now it is getting silly.

But I do love this song...another new love: Adele- Rolling in the Deep

Stink, Stank, Stunk

2011-02-05T15:06:00.000-08:00

So let’s start this thing off with a bang, shall we?

The other night, hubby and I were getting our “snug on” (trademarked term) on the couch watching American Idol, waiting for The Office to come on. The puppy, Pinky, was lying at our feet sleeping sweetly. Filling a little chilly, I pulled a blanket over us and got a terrible whiff of doggie diarrhea. I mean it was hot, strong and dank, like sewage in the middle of summer. I started screaming and laughing and pointing at Pinky.

My hubby and I had covered our noses and began fanning the air. But “the stank” didn’t move, it lingered like a cloud of toxic waste: thick and slightly malevolent. I began checking all through the blanket to see if an actual turd would fall out of my covers. I mean, how it could smell this bad with out shit being among us?

We finally realized it was just a hot biscuit Stinky Pinky floated at us. We went back to tv watching.

Pretty soon, the smell hits us again. Like a brick. REALLY, Pinky!?!?! I start dragging her to the door but she didn’t want to go. The smell was like a fog encompassing us. My husband, knowing how susceptible I am to gagging, begins to make retching noises. At first I laugh at him and then I begin gagging as I push and drag the offender to the door deeply inhaling her stench. Finally I shove her hot little butt out the door and am walking back to the couch when I step in something wet. My legs reflexively collapse beneath me as I scream and laugh and gag in fear. I just know I have “found” the proverbial pile and can only lie on my back with my legs pointed at the ceiling. I am laughing so hard, I can’t breathe, which is a blessing.

Finally, I look at my foot and see no evidence of diarrhea. I get up and go to bed.

The next day, my husband, who is off of work, texts me that he has cleaned up massive amounts of dog “matter” from the kennel and that Pinkys’ stomach is making sounds like the Titanic going down!

She seems so innocent, right?

Three Words

2010-10-25T05:38:00.000-07:00

Fall Colored Virginia

Monkeys and elephant

Face of Pleading (do you know how many times I day I see this?)

Gorilla likes B
(B sat down and this female ran over to her and licked the glass, she then sat there looking at B, licking the glass and touching the glass, it was so cool!)

Elephants, Always Amazing

These are from our weekend trip to Virginia and The Asheboro Zoo in NC. This is a great zoo and October is a great time to go, cool, sunny and beautiful leaves.

Walk It Out

2010-10-21T13:00:00.000-07:00

A friend shared this on her FB wall (but not the lady in the video)...hilarious! Walk that baby out, Mama!!

NYC

2010-10-19T16:41:00.000-07:00

In a few weeks, I am heading to New York City for the first time ever. It is going to be a girl's weekend with my two sisters, my mom, my aunt (who talks and giggle like Paula Dean) and a family friend. There are a few things that are already on our list and a few that I want to add in. My one sister and I have even talked about sneaking off to hit a few things if the others are being fuddy-duds...Here's my list:
;

Fishs Eddy store

Fresh roasted coffee will be drunk up!

Any other recommendations? I love things unique to a city and off the beaten path. I don't care about clean, well organized, and well known shops and eateries. Well, maybe clean eateries but not chains.

Shrimp Corn Chowder

2010-10-19T09:37:00.000-07:00

Got a new app for my iPod Touch- Epicurious. I love it. Found this Shrimp Corn Chowder recipe on there, made a grocery list with my Grocery IQ app and made it Friday night. Served with a warmed sourdough bread.

Next time I will add a clove of garlic, more salt a dash of Worcestershire sauce, some chopped hot peppers, and cilantro. It was good but the flavors were pretty bland to me (which my MIL said was great because she was coming down with something and it was hot and comforting without being "too much"). Also, I would cut out the cream- if you puree the potatoes when they are soft it make it creamy...One kids ate it up, the other prefers not to eat at dinner and like to push her food around and talk.

PS- No, I am not paid to talk about those apps- Jeez! I wish!!

PSS- We have had this for two dinners and two lunches...Kids love it and there is plenty for sharing!

Bento Time

2010-10-18T07:50:00.000-07:00

Rabbit Food: honey-nut cream cheese sandwich on bunny shaped flatbread, romaine lettuce leaf, peanuts, orange slices, carrots and celery, dipper cup or ranch.

Going to get some pretzel making supplies and make some witch fingers and brooms for a spooky bento.

Google Meatloaf

2010-10-13T02:16:00.000-07:00

When you google "meatloaf" you find that you can either make a delicious meat dish or read the lyrics for many songs of a big man with a big voice. Also, try "mum", I love these double reference searches.

Anyway, not that my meatloaf is super special or anything but I love it and my kids love it.

Sorry no photo, as soon as I took it out of the oven it was attacked like it was brains and my family were brain-hungry zombies!

Neva's Loaf o' Meat
1-2 pounds ground beef
1 large clove of garlic
1/4 onion- chopped fine
1 stalk celery- chopped fine
handful of Parsley- chop it up!
Worcestershire sauce (can never spell this one right!)
Salt and pepper
Paprika
1-2 eggs
1/4 rolled oats
Any other fresh herbs I might have like thyme- chop, chop!

I think that's it.

Mix it up in a bowl. I like making two smaller meatloaf if I use 2 pounds of meat. Pick up that meat mix and ball it up, slap it down, and shape it into a loaf or ball. Spray a baking dish with cooking spray, place the loaf in pan, cover with foil and back 350 for an hour. I put some ketchup on top halfway through the cooking time but I don't like to slather it with ketchup like some. And tonight I think I am going to try our new World Market purchase- Curry Ketchup. (Postscript: Oh Man, that Curry Ketchup was amaaazing! It takes meatloaf to a whole new level! Go get some, like now!)

Serving with baked sweet potatoes and canned green beans (the cupboard and fridge are quite bare!). If there are leftover the kids are getting meatloaf sandwiches in their lunches.

Looking into making Chicken Corn Chowder, which I haven't made in about 12 years and also a Sweet Chili Sauce with all these chili's someone gave me.

Three Words

2010-10-09T17:55:00.000-07:00

New Favorite Shirt

911 On Standby

The Damn Dioramara (turned out great but there is a lot of blood, sweat and tears in there!)

Kids Found Camera

Bento Time

2010-10-01T13:37:00.000-07:00

Bottom layer: Chicken meatballs with a clear Puppy food pick, Polynesian-style sauce in a container, stir fried broccoli, and Rice-A-Roni (the Sand Fransisco treat! My hubby made dinner and I hadn't had Rice-A-Roni in about 12 years, it was delish!)

Bottom layer: Ham, cream cheese and spinach in pita pockets, carrot discs, ranch in a little container, pine nuts in a muffin cup
Top: Coconut and dark chocolate cookies, yogurt raisins

My bentos have been less creative lately because this school year is kicking my butt! But I still try to get a veggie, a fruit, a grain and a protein in each box. And every once in a while a little sweet treat.

Pig Wrestling

2010-09-28T10:24:00.000-07:00

I woke up 1:34 am and couldn't go back to sleep. It was pouring rain, again, as it had been on and off all day. I was so tired of this deluge which our area badly needed but I had been over for the last 18 hours.

Tossing and turning, I thought I heard the dogs barking. I got up to check at the back door but they weren't there. That is where they usually sit to make sure their demands to be let in are best heard.

I went back to bed but couldn't sleep worrying about them. It had rained so much, that the ground was either puddled into large lakes or pits of squishy mud. Their doghouse was empty, their covered porch was sans dogs, too. Where are they camped out? I wondered.

Finally I got up, grabbed two towels and went to each of our doors to look for them. I flipped on the light and they came running from some dark corner of the yard. I opened the door and immediately entered the First Annual Wet ~~Pig~~ Dog Wrestling Contest. Two dogs vs. One Lady. Two, wet, ecstatic, hyper dogs on carpet and me alone in my jammies with two towels. Apparently, I was not awake enough to think that one through before I opened the door.

After 5 minutes of me "ssshh"ing them and them flipping and flinging themselves about they were mostly dry and I was mostly wet. I got their crate ready by laying some snuggley towels in it. But now I wasn't sleepy and neither were they. So I changed my pants and we went to watch some bad late night television.

Needless to say I am working on 25% brain capacity after my late night canine shennanigans.

Ssrimp n Grits

2010-09-20T05:41:00.000-07:00

(Yes, I meant to spell it that way, it's how my mom says it and I love it)

So, I have seen all kinds of versions of Shrimp and Grits over the years. Most of them might closely resemble the traditional look, but few resemble the traditional flavor. I have seen people try to make Shrimp n Grits with snap peas, cherry tomatoes, low-fat ingredients (this is blasphemy!), canned sauce substitute, margarine, etc. But that is not they are supposed to be.

In the "Charleston Receipts" cookbook (which my husband found a slightly beaten copy in a trash pile on trash day when we lived in Charleston. This is not as gross as it sounds, people leave all kinds of good stuff on the curb in boxes for people to take or to be picked up by the garbage collector in Charleston) anyhoo...so in this cookbook it says that the African-American cooks and caretakers of the Charleston area would make a quick breakfast for their charges with the fresh seafood and home-cured meats readily available in the kitchen. These talented and busy ladies would fry up some ham or bacon in a pan, add flour to the drippings, butter, then shrimp, a little cream and they would serve it up over some steaming hot grits. A hot, nutritous breakfast of grains and protein (and a wee bit of fat).

Shrimp and grits isn't supposed to be complicated. High-falutin' chefs who want to steal the glory that these amazing, Southern ladies perfected years ago try to make it all fancy to impress those outside of the lowcountry (coastal region of South Carolina). And if you are afraid of grits, don't be. It is made from corn, has a light flavor that is the perfect vehicle for so many foods. And my kids love 'em with some butter and eggs in the morning.

Here is my recipe, loosely adapted over the years, and even more loosely made each time I throw it together because I never do a recipe the same way twice.

Neva's Shrimp n Grits (serves 6)
pictured with a zucchini, onion and tomato saute and whole wheat french bread

2 Lbs Raw, peeled shrimp- cut in half (if you are cooking, enlist someone else for this chore- it is a major P.I.T.A.)
3 peices of raw bacon
1 stick of butter
1/4 c cream
1/2 c milk
1/2 c all purpose flour
1 clove of garlic- crushed
1 tb of finely chopped onion
handful or chopped parsley
salt and pepper to taste
hot sauce as desired
grits- yellow are the best but plain ole quaker quick grits work fine too

Cook the grits- use water not milk to cook them as directed. They cook in less than 10 minutes, perfect for a busy mom! Stir in 1 TB butter and a little milk after they are cooked, plenty of salt. Set aside.

Fry bacon in a high sided skillet. Remove bacon, leave drippings in pan. Add shrimp, garlic, and 2 TB butter to pan. Cook shrimp HALFWAY. Remove shrimp to a bowl, leaving drippings in pan. On low-med heat, add flour a little at a time, whisking with a fork to smooth any lumps, add 3 TB butter. Whisk continuously. Add salt and pepper. After a minute or so of cooking the roux (flour-fat mixture) add cream slowly. Continuing whisking. Add 1/2 of milk slowly. Sauce will thicken. Add shrimp. Tell EVERYONE TO GET TO THE TABLE IMMEDIATELY (shrimp and grits do not wait for no man).

Chop bacon up and set aside (preferably have kids do this with hands while you are busy).

Continuing stirring to finish cooking shrimp and keep sauce from sticking until shrimp are pink and white*. Add milk if sauce become too thick (hard to describe how thick/thin it should be- you want it thinner than ketchup consistency but not as thin as cream).

*Big Side-Note- shrimp can overcook fast! Then they are too tough to eat. Shrimp are done when they have just gone from the raw gray-brown and clear color to a light salmon-pink and white. Remove from heat and serve as soon as this happens, do not leave them cooking in the sauce or you will have Rubber and Grits for dinner!

Plate a mound of hot grits, scoop shrimp and sauce over grits. Add chopped bacon peices and parsley to the dish. Serve and eat and begin dropping your ending "g's", Darlin!

Now you have tasted true Southern Ssrimp n Grits! (Caution: DO NOT weigh yourself for 24 hours after eating this delicious suppa'!)

For the semi-vegetarian: I make this for my mother-in-law who eats seafood and dairy but not meat- leave a comment if you want that version sent to you.

Beautiful Breastfeeding

2010-09-15T09:54:00.000-07:00

Gino Severini, Motherhood, 1916

This is so beautiful and modern looking. I was surprised to see it was painted in 1916

I heart Bucky

2010-09-13T05:25:00.000-07:00

Happy 13 Year Anniversary, Bucky!

ROAR!

2010-09-11T05:03:00.000-07:00

Know what I hate?

When I am being ~~narcissistic~~ curious and look myself up on Google and it says, "Did you mean Neve Campbell?"

No, I did NOT mean her! I meant ME, with a sensible and lovely "a" at the end not a silent and ridiculous "e".

But then Google proceeds to show me a lot of entries about Neve Campbell anyway. But some asshat has misspelled that lameo's name so it reads Neva.

As my kids would say, "Roar!"

Read

2010-09-09T14:44:00.000-07:00

Have you read, Sh*t My Dad Says the book? Have you? Why not?!? Run to the store right now, slap down $17.00 and let the laugh riot begin! I was reading this in a restaurant as I dined alone one day and started laughing so hard (but as silently as I could) that I thought I was going to fall off the chair and onto the floor wetting my pants as I landed (but thankfully I didn't).

BTW, pay no attention to the hype about the tv series about this book starring William Shatner. Really, just ignore that and go read it.

I have been reading this guy's twitter page (the only one I read) for about a year when I saw he had the book out. Read his twitter and go get the book (the book is not one of those awful just-take-all-his-tweets-blogposts-whatever-and-bind-them-together-and-try-to-make-some-money books, either)

This would be the best book for someone who is a little down. I gotta put that on my tadalist of gift ideas, right now!

Victoria

2010-09-07T16:05:00.000-07:00

Conversation between my niece and I as she put sunscreen on my back...

Niece: What's that?! (poking my mole)
Me: Oh, that's Victoria.
Niece: What's a victoria?
Me: She's my red-headed, blood sucking mole.
Niece: Well, I don't want to touch it.
Me: Oh, she won't hurt you, it's me she's after.

Kids

2010-09-06T15:39:00.000-07:00

My kids have been saying, "ROAR!" a lot lately. It's so cute and really does convey their feelings on life, my parenting, their sibling and things in general.

Here is an example of it's usage.

Setting: 6 am any weekday morning.

"Time to get up Poopy-butt." I lovingly* say.

"Mumble, garble." B responds.

"No, really it's time to get up, Stinky Feet. Get up. Get up." I gently* encourage.

"ROAR!" she growls as she flips over and cracks an eye at me.

"Wakey-wakey, eggs and bakey." I sweetly* sing.

"No, ROAR! I don't want to get up!!"

(*loving, gentle, and sweetly are used in replace of harried, frustrated, and annoyed in this context)

Grocery Shopping

2010-09-04T05:53:00.000-07:00

Going grocery shopping with my kids makes me want to:

A. jump off a tall building while repeatedly stabbing a rusty railroad tie into my eye socket.

B. chew on a tasty Oleander leaf while wrestling a Cobra and walking on hot coals.

C. go on a three day bender of Breyer's Chocolate ice-cream covered in crumbled bacon with a Drano chaser.

What about you?

Butch

2010-09-03T16:13:00.000-07:00

Is there anything better than Paul Newman as Butch Cassidy in this bicycle scene? Anything?

I still don't exactly understand the dynamic between Butch and The Kid's lady...and I don't have to. I can just enjoy how absolutely adorable and sexy he is here, exuberantly and sweetly riding a bicycle.

When I was a preteen kid, I remember my mom saying things like, "That Tom Selleck is a hunk!" and commenting on Paul Newman's eyes. All I could think was, Eeewww, gross, those guys are old!

And now?

Mmmmm....Now, I think a bit differently. I guess cause I am old!

Apron

2010-09-03T05:17:00.000-07:00

Working on an apron for meself. This is the first time I have followed a purchased pattern, it is a little intimidating. I grew up at my mother's elbow watching her spread out her fabric, find the best placement for the pattern pieces, pin, cut, lay aside, assemble all with a practiced ease that comes from years of experience. Now it is my turn. I so wanted to call my mommy to ask her to come watch me do it to make sure I didn't mess up.

Black and white floral for the apron, pink and black paisley for the pocket and tie.

I'll keep you posted on how it progresses.